Hi. My name is Guacamole S. Council. Thank you for saying the world needs me.

WTF? Is everyone just wearing clothes that are too small for them?

Non-stretch fabrics require tailoring, and clothing factories and the designers that use them are all about cutting corners rather than cutting curves. Fact.

Oh god, the Bedazzled ass pockets. MY ASS GETS ALL KINDS OF ATTENTION ON ITS OWN, THANKS.

Oh, sure we do! We just use the word “classy” to describe our wine mustache through wine-stained teeth after about 6 glasses of wine, in the style of Jim Carrey, you know, after he’s had a few glasses of wine.

this is cute, I’d wear this.

I worked at Lane Bryant during my summer college breaks, and was consistently one of the best sellers they had. People would come in looking for a shirt and I’d send em out with new wardrobes. It was hard as hell, though. Trying to put together anything resembling fashion at Lane Bryant feels like when Christina…

I feel like there’s not likely to be much overlap between women who will spend $50 for a t-shirt and women who are interested in t-shirts proclaiming their classiness in metallic lettering. I also hope that neither group is particularly well-populated to begin with.

Ahem

I'm sure the baby and its diaper was minor to whatever shenanigans you claim to have undertaken as a seafood restaurant employee: http://kitchenette.jezebel.com/there-was-a-ti…

"Your job is to serve us and do what we say. You're not supposed to talk back."

I am a little suspicious of the details in Becca's Sonic story, for the simple reason that I have never heard anyone in Texas say that they "went to university." I grew up in Texas and am an A&M grad myself. That's Yankee speak to my ears. Just saying.

Attack people. They attack people.

So ALLLLLL you do all day is work a job that pays your rent, and you speak French? LAME! Why aren't you an astrophysicist? Neil Degrasse Tyson is one. It's not that hard.

It's not free if you give it to me.

I had a stack of invoices on my desk this morning, all from one company that had 'Monogrammed' in the title. Made me glad that 11 was coming shortly.

So....were the "Air Force" sons in Lawrence's story threatening to bomb San Francisco if this restaurant didn't give them a military discount? I'm trying figure out if they could have possibly meant anything else.

"I don't need to justify how I earn a living any more than you do."

That's blackface.

Sci-fi-face