He apparently told cops he pulled his pants down during the WSOP because he had lost a bet.

Pfft. Bro. I’m Mike Gundy levels of man. 

“My name is Zhang Weili. I am from China. Remember me!”

It sounds like we have the same issues with Cream of Mushroom. 

“the recording was made last Friday, when she and her son were at a trampoline park.”

In a follow-up story, Ariel was convinced the matter was completely closed, and the story had no legs. 

Hi Dr. Nick!

Claire? Claire! The rest of us have been putting oatmeal, milk, bananas, and cinammon in the jar and letting it sit overnight for a “healthy” breakfast.

His advice: Get a federal permit to kill one of the vultures, then hang it in a tree or other spot where other vultures can see it for miles around.

A lack of perception is just one of your shortcomings.

I hate you. I'm still gonna star this, but I'm not happy about it. 

Thank you all for the correction, I was mistaken.

Which dick are you looking at? This streaker dude has all kinds of turtleneck.

No foreskin on that lad, relegating Antonio Brown to today’s second most talked about helmet.

They’re not cheap, but they’re generous with their portions and even a quarter portion of of a full-length sandwich is enough for lunch the next day.

+1 for Wegmans subs. Their bread is fucking good.

Where they fall apart is in the juxtaposition of those premium ingredients—the more toothsome bread, the fresh mozzarella, the deliciously creamy-tangy balsamic sauce—with the same limp tomatoes, flavorless beef, and run-of-the-mill cold cuts the chain has always used

Yeah I always thought it was Zak from some random goofball video.

I kept that vague so I wouldn’t get in trouble with my employer if they see this

What do you mean "imagine"? Some of us do have to appear at press conferences after days at the office that didn’t go well. One time a couple years ago we had a run of days like that, but we faced our grim task as best we could and took our licks on the media circuit. Then one day the big boss (as in the boss’s boss’s…