Sounds like somebody had him in a keeper league

The way the laws are in Arizona, I'd say all it would take was him entering that state from any parts south.....

I actually would have laughed at this one, but you oversold it by putting the pun in all-caps. The best offensive jokes are the subtle ones.

Houston is the 4th largest city in the United States.

That's going to buy one huge fucking plantation.

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Wayne Fonts wearing pajamas on the 50-yard line. Barry taking 3 steps to the left, 4 to the right, and 5 back for every step forward. I've seen Scott Mitchell throw ducks under heavy pressure. All these memories will be lost in time, like tears in the rain. And good…

If he wanted to have sex with a woman as unresponsive as a corpse why didn't he just get married?

As with anything involving Stephenson and Turner, less than 40% of the shots actually connected.

Grammar scholarships.

As someone who doesn't care about either team, this was hilarious. Poor Wisconsin.