He thought if he didn’t run to first fast enough, he’d get choked. Still a pretty massive brain fart that he didn’t know Papelbon’s not on the team anymore.

“And the Ryan Howard contract was one of the worst baseball moves of the last decade”

I eagerly await Sam Hinkie’s 13-page explanation of why the runner should have left first base, with quotes by Ghandi, Che Guevera and Billy Mays.

They should think about writing them down.

You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains.

“...that I hope will serve as a giant blinking warning sign to any future employer of his...

“This woman may have written something about child pornography 5 years ago. Shun her for life. FOR LIIIIIFE. SHUN HEEEEER!”

The dog was relieved that it was only a spring training game. Besides, it had been 13 years since going to a Phillies game meant a trip to the Vet.

He inches ever-closer to his character in The Wedding Singer.

i IRL gasped

That was masterful, Bobby. I was like “who could it be?!” wondering what level of horror I would reach ... and then the Lovitz shot. Just NO. I actually said, out loud, in my office all alone “NO”.

That she found a much older man isn’t the story here. It’s that the much older man happens to be Jon Lovitz. And that they teased out the big reveal over several meticulously crafted Instagram posts.

Getting to the end of that first item like

I always thought the Browns Uncertainty Principle was you can know their coach and know their quarterback but never both at the same time

(crowd lustily boos lack of effort)

I hope you guys put 115 million on them to win.

I’m glad people occasionally come forward and demand that idiots cut the bullshit.

Euron killing Balon, eh?

In my expert nerd opinion, the 2 sword guy is a flashback to Ser Arthur Dayne, the Sword of the Morning, wrecking shop at the Tower of Joy.

I struck a Loping Camshaft nerve!!!