This motherfucker has got to go.

I’ve always fantasized about sharing a house with my 3 best friends when we’re old, Golden Girls style (I’ve been designated the Sophia). My husband rightly remarked “so in your fantasy retirement scenario I’m dead?”

For me, it’s kind of the opposite. That is, I feel like I did a lot to maintain my friendships with by best female friends and ultimately it didn’t matter because the second they got in a serious relationship everything changed. Now I see them once every couple of months and I feel like I can’t just randomly ask them…

i wish i had that problem. mine is always “everyone sucks and the guy i’m dating is boring and/or annoying”

I’m one of those dads who loves Bruce. This is why I’ve been on a soapbox for the Boss for 40 years. Never so proud to be Springsteen fan. Great rocker, great man, great American

Bruce’s status as “that guy your dad loves” often obscures how on-point he’s been about social justice issues, and for how long. From donating to the striking British miners in the 1980s, to writing a song about Amadou Diallo, an unarmed black man shot by the NYPD, back in 2000, to the lyrics of “Born in the USA” (and…

*farts*

Honestly, those in the modeling industry and everyone’s favorite armchair internet physicians can say all they want about how “it’s just unhealthy”. While that’s a wildly incomplete sentiment, it’s not entirely without a grain of truth. I, for example, would be healthier at 15 pounds lighter. I won’t argue them one…

LOLOL she was “trying to calm the animal”

A different store.

I laughed at the dude too, but more because he just looks totally overwhelmed and has no idea what to do to help while the clerk saves the day with the baby and calling 911 at the same time. I assumed that he was helping somehow off screen, like or meant to help by asking “WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO!?!” at her while…

You nailed it - she isn’t/won’t be affected by a single policy, cultural mentality or tradition that women are.

Do you watch Crazy Ex-girlfriend? A quote from the latest episode: love is like digging through a trashcan, searching through old banana peels.

The humor holds up more than almost any other sitcom from that era. It’s so fucking funny. And so funny on so many different levels.

Who would take parenting advice from a someone with a full-time nanny?

“mommy bloggers” are the worst. Maybe I should start my “filled with anxiety, broke, single 30-something woman” blog.

Control of the town was turned over to single women for the day. The temporary “mayoress” suggested “outlawing corncob pipes, denying citizenship to baldheads, putting lipstick in cabs.”

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.

I’m the cheesy probably somewhat creepy girl-empowerment dad on the playground.

Of course 1) I’m stupid 2) I once smothered him with a pillow while he slept only to give up when I realized he wasn't going to push me off but rather just continue to lay there like an idiot and die.