He didn't mean to kill that rabbit, George! They was just playin', that's all!

Why did Dutch aristocracy waste all their money on rare tulip buds? Never underestimate the financial magnitude of idiots in large groups.

If you play the tape backward, those officers helped up the flaming gay kid and sent him on his way. All in how you look at it.

Real jerks make immeasurable sums of money starring in, directing, or producing awful movies. Or all three, if they feel so inclined.

That was the quick path to success in those days. If he had been able to regulate his temper, James Brown would never have become a household name. But beating all four of your wives? Hardest Working Man In Show Business.

If that episode of Extras where he insults the kid with Down's Syndrome was supposed to be some kind of personal catharsis, he's the worst human being ever.

A Big Red "Terribly Sorry, Old Bean" is always appreciated.

Oh, God, Kevin Smith. The man made me slice up my own dick because he thought he could write comics. Don't mention his name.

That didn't happen. That did… not… happen. You're mental.

Ricky Gervais is that weird type of egotist where he claims to be a very humble individual, simply because he makes fun of other egotistical people and occasionally cracks a couple of self-deprecating jokes about his own weight. In fact, this type of person often claims that they have a shred of humility because…

I just assumed the delay was the combined effort of DST and the jump in time-zones, but I haven't been notified up top in hours. What have I done to deserve such a thing? Apart from the random spree killing and so forth?

King Cobra remains a personal favorite of mine. Hoyt Axton, Pat Morita, that kid who played Pedro, and a giant rubber snake… the jokes write themselves.

Ah, the beheading. Worry no longer, good sir, I've got this one sewn up.

Upton Sinclair, syncing perfectly with my twin obsessions: leftist politics and slaughter.

Then we'll ram a stake through the heart of Al Davis, just to make sure he's well and truly dead. Never more shall his unearthly presence roam our village to steal away our children!

Minuses: It's the ghost from Ghost.

"…Mirrors where Michael Jackson scrawled inspirational messages to himself". And, presumably, acted out that one scene from Silence of the Lambs.

Bil Keane's personal philosophy was essentially that of a Chick Tract, except with more adorable malapropisms.

Hey, logical paradox! Suck my Morton's Fork!

Sadly, no. But commercial ball-park franks are made of 80% roadkill and Mexican slaughterhouse workers. This I know for certain.