I’ve refused a similar apology before. After stealing from me, a thief once offered me money to make up for it.

Brussels sprouts are amazing when prepared well. I wasted many years not knowing this fact.

Because I had a professor drill into me that impact in its many forms should be used sparingly (typically when describing a tooth or colon), I’ll agree that there are better word choices.

A while back, I read an article which stated that human beings are very good at ascertaining danger, but terrible at determining that they themselves are potentially in danger. Meaning, we know bad things are going to happen, but we assume that they’re going to happen to someone else. This condition keeps humans from…

I’d be embarrassed, for sure. I stopped beating up fourth graders when I turned 30. 

Did the Cleveland Browns warn the Dawg Pound when Michael Vick and the Eagles were coming to town?

I’m glad that this show helped keep Devito’s talents in the spotlight. Without Sunny, to most millennials he would have remembered him as the Penguin/Schwarzenegger’s twin.

Funny thing is, your mug’s full of jizz.

Kind of left field here, but all the kids I knew who were into Korn, Marilyn Manson, and super wide-legged jeans were actually really nice, despite their penchant for shitty music and clothes.  

Started watching Shameless on Netflix a little while back, and I’m now in season six (Fiona is trying to buy back the house again, Lip’s professor just had a disciplinary meeting with administration, some guy just murdered a kid for stealing his bike).

French class. 

I don’t know. I’m guessing he’ll be worth at least 40 million dollars.

Yeah, but their names look kind of similar. 

To be fair, Grammer’s hair was actually thickening. 

While I certainly can’t fault you for thinking Cheers is superior—it’s an excellent show—I’m currently in the middle of a rewatch and find myself surprised at how cheesy it frequently is.

I always wondered how Frasier could afford his lifestyle. A local radio DJ is not the most lucrative job, and it doesn’t seem like Martin and Hester were loaded  

One of my Jewish friends cannot believe that my brother and I occasionally like to drink Manischewitz when we’re fucked up. She says she can’t imagine anyone drinking that sugary shit if they weren’t obligated to do so.

Cool story time:

Johnny might be a woman beater, but he ain’t no pussy eater. 

I’d trend it down a little, even. I’d guess that most 19-21 year-olds have better shit to do on a Saturday night.