I was startled to see her face on the Washington Post’s homepage yesterday. A real blast from the past. A Clinton is running for the White House, Donald Trump is in the news, Pokemon is wildly popular: We’re living in the 90s again!

... I need more coffee.

Woman writes hit song. Declines to take credit for it until conspiracy theories/obvious logic leads fans/tabloids to the story. Confirms it in one very straightforward sentence because she feels no obligation to protect the fiction she and her ex-boyfriend spun about it. Deserves credit. Did write song.

Taylor adopting a pseudonym actually proves more that she wanted him and Rihanna to get the credit for the song, not the other way around. Sorry, Calvin, but that excuse makes no sense.

Matt Lauer is so glib.

Someone on the main page is criticizing her for attending and I'm thinking you'd be crazy not to go just for this reason. So much fun to be had! And you get the inside dirt. And there must be alcohol. When I was working I got invites to political parties for people I reeeeeally didn't agree with. I always went. You…

Ok, who is going to tell Pete Sessions that there are people who are both gay and latino?

If you’re trying to tell me Pen 15 is not a real club I’m going to be upset.

I know a lot of people are hating on this whole thing - but I kind of love it. If this can turn his life around? Go get it.

Shut up, nerd! *dumps your books, shoves you in a locker*

[Please star so that everyone gets a chance to see this!]

Incidentally, “kid gloves”, also the name of the mittens from the children’s department that Donald Trump must buy to fit his tiny hands.

I am SO SO HAPPY that my father decided to leave that country and bring my family to the US. We were already a minority in Iran, and the stirrings of the Revolution hastened his decision to leave. Brb, I gotta call my dad and thank him.

Maybe Brian Benben was asleep. Maybe Brian Benben is a heavy sleeper. Brian Benben. I love saying that name. Brian Benben.

Fuck dating. Fuck dating sites. Fuck guys who just message “hey. how r u?” or “u r beautiful.” Use fucking proper grammar. Fuck guys who ghost you. Fuck everything.

Shakespeare’s skull is missing? That’s CRAZY. Uh...I haven’t seen it. Definitely haven’t but if it turns up or I hear anything. Will definitely call. But I just haven’t seen it so...tragedy really. On an unrelated note, have you guys seen my new awesome punch bowl?