Uh- what? Some people actually do cheat because they’re just selfish and insecure and get a thrill from having a secret. You can’t blame cheating on the whole relationship.

She probably will! Her own dad is batshit and I bet Jamie is kind and normal.

I used to live in a very nice house and it was featured in a design magazine for which they changed nothing. It really looked like that all the time. Some people don’t have clutter, but they’re always crazy.

I was too young then too and recently tried. I found the formula grating after an episode, and her black roommate was really just there to prop her up. Maybe it got better but I couldn’t keep watching.

My dog is like that on the social cues. He is always stepping on peoples feet and just physically idiotic.... But he’s also the best. I hope this guy works out and finds his place in your home.

Aw 9lbs! Sweet darling girl. The tears (for things like being surprised) break your heart but also make it explode into fireworks in the best way. Oh boy wait until she starts laughing at you :) the belly laughs that make them fall over when sitting are the best.

And YES to everything you said. I’m glad people in the comments know what’s up!

Parental alienation is considered ABUSE. If she can get proof via text or voicemail she can use it to gain custody. I would recommend saving any crazy messages and also baiting him to admit it in text.

Ughhhh what a cunt

I’m so sorry about your son.

Yeah that is straight from junior prom 1999 in the worst way

Leticia? Lettice is a nickname for that

Thank you I laughed so much! I love Mallory ortberg and read her over at slate now.

He’s repeating himself

From experience- if you’re not married it’s easier for your kid’s name to match yours. Unless he’s a stay at home dad and will be doing all the registering-related tasks, from insurance to baby music class to travel. I know that’s not what you asked but I also think after pushing a baby out or having it cut out- you…

Say yes and invite a slew of sexy men to their home and suggest her boyfriend go out and get himself a coffee. She could even tell him to take a $5 from her purse.

Right?! This has been the theme of men making this suggestion since the dawn of time.

Sometimes I imagine a world where people say “I can’t believe in the old days men used to murder women, how crazy is that”

It kind of makes me think of The Lovely Bones :-( what a piece of psychotic shit

Opportunity!