The solution to text chains is to leave them immediately.  Like the instant you get a text with more than one recipient, leave that shit.  Then claim you didn’t know what it was and thought you were being hacked or phished or whatever.  There’s a nice grace period there.

I bet the altered painting was based on a real painting done by either a white or black woman artist of Obama performing oral sex on her, from her pov. Google it.

That’s just a regular human name

This maybe my favorite episode of the year. My friends would want me to take care of their kids and like Larry I hate fucking children, yeah I buy my friends kids anything they want but I don’t want to spend time with them. I rather be the uncle who sees them once a year for X-Mas and gets them what they want.

I feel like replying to your own post is bad form, but the edit window has closed and I just remembered that Jeff and Suzie had a daughter who must be like thirty now.

I felt seen watching this episode. Those text chains are truly terrible.

Not a Mamoa character, but Jackie Daytona is a damn cool name.

Larry saying, “FUCK YOU!” to the inspirational quotes on the text chain pretty much sums up the human experience.

• I love Susie’s dog’s little punk rock, spikey, coyote-proof vest. I want one for myself.

Jackie Daytona is the superior name, end of story.

It’s no Jackie Daytona from Arizonia.

Todaym St. Patrick’s Day, Guinness sees us.

I'll call him whatever name he wants if he'll gimmie that D 

I'm not even sure it's the coolest name/state name when Johnny Utah exists. 

That is the other thing, their system was built to be always up. For all we know, their tools in the kitchen may have also been impacted, aside from not being able to see  orders, the timers may be non-functional. 

“Plus, they probably couldn’t process payments either, and many people now don’t carry cash.”

This seems like a really great way to maximize the power of the browned cheese edge, since each pizza is essentially a slice with a fully enclosed ring of caramelized cheese.

It was actually a tattoo. When flaccid you could see “W Y”. The kid asked “Oh, is your girlfriend’s name Wendy?” Michael said “HEE-hee...no, when erect it says ‘Welcome to Jamaica. Have a nice day’!”

Didn’t some of these kids identify a birth mark or mole or something on Jackson’s penis which would only really be visible during an erection? You can’t really get more damning evidence than that.

You know, it just occurred that we could have a discussion about the Michael Jackson Pepsi Hair Incident and the Clarence Thomas Coke Hair Incident.