Ah, Forxcalibur. Alas, many a man has tried to free that fork from within the enchanted block of parmesan, but all that have gone North to this garden of olives have never been seen again.

I was at Fred Meyer one Saturday afternoon, on a holiday weekend, so the place was mobbed - and for some reason management had put this poor brand-new employee on the register. The woman in front of me decides to pay for her groceries with a check, which of course she doesn't even start pulling out of her purse until…

"You couldn't taste it because I did it right. (Asshole.)"

Mother of the YEAR.

I actually wasn't convinced on that one. I felt like the storyteller was reading a lot of malice into that kid's behavior that wasn't necessarily there. She set up the story by telling us about how bratty and entitled they were just because they were coming from a debate team event, without actually giving any…

The other day I witnessed a mother grabbing her (13 year old?) son by the front of his shirt and saying "don't you EVER do that again" for being snotty to the cashier at a coffee shop.

In my former life as s graphic designer I was forced to design literature for one of these places. Same deal; couldn't speak up for fear of losing my job.

YOU=HILARIOUS!!!

They told us all! It's a slippery slope! They allowed the gays to have their marriages and now women are having relations with light poles and getting pregnant!!!

I'm reluctant to condone an egging, but it seems justified in this case. My preferred method is coating the windshield with vaseline. It can't be driven until it's cleaned, but what a pain in the ass to try and get it removed. No lasting damage to the vehicle and the look on the cashier's face when you set down a…

Rec'ed because my love for Miranda Hart has no bounds.

And the cost implications are bullshit too, I've had one of each (abortion and miscarriage) both medically, pills for abortion cost $475, pills for miscarriage cost $6. Same insurance policy. It's infuriating.

My anti-choice mother, when I told her I would be getting a Mirena IUD: "It doesn't stop eggs from being fertilized; it just stops them from implanting!" *wrings hands* Me: "I sure as hell hope so!" I don't owe anything to any goddamn egg.

No silly, when a mommy and daddy are ready to have a baby, the daddy gives mommy a flower, and then he waters it with his watering can and they plant it in the garden. Then, when the baby is ready, the stork brings it from the garden to the mommy and daddy.

By telling themselves that it's no different than the demands they make for themselves.

Here's the proud papa

"She told me that for some women, they dilate them too fast and they might become … not infertile, but in later cases ... they might miscarry a lot because the cervix might not close up all the way. So I might have a lot of miscarriages if I aborted the baby."

maybe the worker thought she'd been impregnated by a telephone pole?

So Republican lawmakers are thrilled legislate what medical doctors can do and say to their patients, but there's no problem with these amateur-hour CPCs making up bullshit and lies. OK.