If you get someone who won’t leave you alone about it, lean in and hiss, “He who is conscious at the end of the night, wields the Sharpie!”

In the version of the Universe where I rule, he has been sentenced to 6-months of manually obtaining genetic material for the artificial insemination of warthogs. During that time, all his social media profile pics communications must be of him performing his duties.

If your relationship with your brother is good, you two could do the DNA test and leave your mom and dad out of it. I ‘m pretty sure they can determine if two people share enough genes to be sibs.

You forgot to put “job creators” in quotes.

I liked Kimmy better than anyone else on the show. I always thought the Tanners didn’t deserve her.

Completely off topic, but I recently overheard a bunch of tweens talking about playing a “drinking game” at a friend’s sleepover. They were movie marathoning something and the drink was water. Apparently scoring was related to number and duration of bathroom breaks.

The weird couch rooms vary. I’ve seen some that are clearly a repurposed closet or partitioned part of the bathroom, others are clearly purpose-built separate rooms that open off the entrance to the bathroom with a dedicated sink and separate ventilation. The latter don’t really bother me since they don’t really share…

Those expressions make her look all the more badass. Someone needs to set that video to a triumphant march. :)

All shaved/waxed is soooo itchy! I like to use a beard trimmer to control length and tidy up the edges, but I’m totally not into baldness.

What if she wrote poetry, published it under a creative commons license waited for someone to make a derivative musical work of the aforementioned poetry, then performed a cover version of that work?

Sending her all the positive baby-retaining energies I can. I hope that she has an uneventful rest of her pregnancy and happy delivery!

:D
Or do the IRL version of “Let me Google it for you...”
*Spots and actual employee of the store.*
“Hey, where can I find the widget?”
“Aisle 7.”
“Will I need 3/8" gripley to use it?”
“Nah, the kit comes with a tool.”
“Great, thanks.”
*Turns back around.*
“There ya go!”

I think he was assasinated, but not by any human agency...

Aaaand how often do you have the answer? ;)

I dunno about the grocery thing, for some bizarre reason men approach me in the grocery store all the time, “Hey, I hope this isn’t weird, but my wife (mom, aunt, girlfriend) told me to get item B, but I can’t find it or am only finding A & B. I can’t get her on the phone and I don’t know where to look or what to…

It’s such a good thing I never wanted to go into law, I can so hear myself chirping back, “Yeah, isn’t progress great!”

Election day should be a holiday, too. .. except for election workers, obvs.

Yeah, when I updated my married name with the Social Security Administration, some one mis-typed my birthdate (the 1st of the month instead of the 8th). I found out a few years later when I couldn’t file my taxes online. I called and found out what had happened and asked them to fix it. The representatives I spoke to…