Where is the diversity? Where is the Vanity Fair-style tableau of the 7 dwarves posing with their, ahem, tools? After all, they were miners so they would be very comfortable with their shafts. And didn't Pinocchio just want to be considered a real boy? Was Jimeny Cricket was packing? Lastly, what Disney dicks…

Given the circumstances for some of these insertions news isn't the only thing that spreads.

Oh, I think it's safe to say that train already left the station.

• "INSERTED A LONG BALLOON IN PENIS TO HAVE GIRLFRIEND BLOW UP FOR SEXUAL STIMULATION AND IT BROKE"

If I could fit half that stuff up my ass I would never have to carry a purse again. Gives new meaning to the phrase, "Excuse me while I pull that out of my ass!"

Better to find out now than take it into the new year. His loss and as far as the skank you caught him with, well, her future can be summed up by the old saying, "it's always the thief who fears most being robbed".