Listen to Pawnee, Indiana’s best citizen, Plainfield PD!

Surya was a fantastic jumper and so much fun to watch, but the girl could. not. skate. Her basic skating skills were just atrocious.

Better than Tonya, but I still think Nancy was robbed.

I want someone to skate to this.

This brings me back to my childhood. This was my mom’s remedy for everything. Cracked lips? Bag Balm. Diaper rash? Bag Balm. Dry hands? Bag Balm. I can conjure the smell just by looking at that photo.

Definitely do not touch a wild koala. They have chlamydia and will fuck you up.

So, I went to Thailand last year, and before I went, I reached out to my friend, who’s an exotic animal vet. He said that it’s fine to ride an elephant...so long as you ride it bareback. These kinds of contraptions are harmful because that’s not where you’re supposed to sit on an elephant. You’re meant to ride just…

I’m going to Rottnest Island in a few weeks, and I’m SO EXCITED to meet a quokka!!!

I need to know more about this ex-boyfriend and his stories.

Order of Splendor is the best site on the interwebs. So fascinating and prettttttyyyy.

Watching “Victoria” made me extremely thankful for birth control.

Don’t want to dox myself, but I got a photo with Jonathan Groff outside the Spring Awakening stage door back in 2007, and he was The Nicest. Now that he’s legit famous and not just Broadway famous, I like to bring it out and brag.

I think it’s the elongation of the neck that draws attention away from the boobs and more to the decolletage. It’s weird.

Seriously. My kingdom for her genetics.

I’m a 34G and have to wear v-neck t-shirts. It sounds contradictory, but crew necks make my boobs look even more gigantic. The v-neck makes me look more proportional, but it can’t be too deep because then it’s cleavage city. It’s a tricky dance. I like Old Navy’s t-shirts.

Wacoal and Natori are both great.

I really want to get one, but it’s sooooo expensive. My friend recently got one, and it wasn’t covered by insurance, so she had to pay about $8,000 out-of-pocket.

Ugh yes why will my boobs not shrink?! I’ve lost about 10 lbs over the past year, but the chesticles are still the same size. Technically, my bust measurement has decreased, but that’s due to decreased back fat, not decreased boobage. SHRINK, YOU BASTARDS!!!

Yeah, I can’t deal with all the Eteri-bots. The only Russian girl I like is Polina Tsuskaya because her jump technique is legit, but she didn’t make the final.

You don’t think either of the Russian ladies will end up on the podium? Osmond has been too inconsistent this season to win, I think. I like her a lot, and I hope she gets it together before the Olympics.