I mean, I love my Quest bars, but they don’t taste as good as pizza.

I deeply relate to your second paragraph, especially the lunch you hate. Microwaved chicken breast makes me want to die.

Expensive socks are the beeeeest.

My husband’s job brought us here (Sydney). We’re on a 457 visa (skilled worker visa) and will probably stay here for 3-5 years total. The visa process was easy for us since it was all handled through my husband’s employer. I’m not sure what the process would be for retiring here, though. Like the American government,…

I don’t understand how people live in northern QLD or NT without constantly shitting themselves at the idea of a croc attack.

Very fair. But Australians have a shit-ton of more poisonous snakes to worry about.

I AM TELLING YOU, ALL AUSSIES ARE SCARED OF BEARS!!!

Well, I mean, they *are* cute, even if they are diseased. It’s the drop bears you have to look out for. ;-)

That would actually be extremely baller.

Why do you think we have so many guns? There’s bears everywhere!!! ;-)

Same. Every time I rent a GoGet, though, I’m paranoid.

OH HELL FUCKING NO

Aussies are so weirdly non-plussed about Hunstmans. “Oh, they can’t bite you.” YEAH BUT THEY’RE SCARY AS FUCK!!!

Exactly. I’d rather have bears that make their presence known than deadly spiders that appear when you least expect them.

Are there aaaaany other options?

WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS A DOZEN FLIES HANGING OUT ON MY BALCONY

I guarantee you she is scared of bears in America. I’m an American ex-pat in Australia, and when I say that everything here wants to kill you, the standard Aussie reply is, “Yeah, but you guys have bears in America.” I think they think bears are just roaming our streets.

THIS IS MY ACTUAL NIGHTMARE

That Staten Island bit was freaking hilarious.

The music for Chock and Bates’s free dance is terrrrrrrible.