You poor thing! I’m so sorry for laughing at your and your son’s misfortunes, but oh man, you have rotten Halloween luck! And it turns out that it’s hereditary!

Please please PLEASE call your senators, people who live in red states! I have only Democratic Senators, which is great, but I feel useless.

GO KESHA GO!!! I’m seriously so thrilled for her.

Oh, you’re right. Sadly, I remember from an episode of KUWTK that she studied Spanish because I was impressed by her language skills on a trip to Cuba. (I don’t mean to imply she was a confident speaker, but I was impressed that a Kardashian deigned to study a different language at all.)

I made this point yesterday, and everyone was like, “But cocaine doesn’t have calories in it and booze does!” I feel ridiculous stanning for Kim K, but she’s like the most boring person ever. No way she does coke, especially in the middle of the day with her kids around.

It’s interesting that he’s the only one of his siblings to graduate from college, yet he’s the least successful.

bahahaha I definitely did not know that, and now I’m jealous because his-and-hers slushie vodka lemonade machines sounds AMAZING.

He probably should’ve deleted these emails.

“Someone sent me an email, I can’t help what someone sends me,” he said.

bahahahaha This is the real question.

Very true. Kim just seems very boring and straight-edge to me.

Kim doesn’t even drink. I don’t think she’s snorting coke of a table in her home in the broad daylight.

I don’t know. They sell soppressata in the deli at Kroger in my hometown in Indiana.

I loved No-Ad! It was so cheap!

But my friend told me that fluoride is poisonous and also that there’s formaldehyde in the air in dangerous levels.

I’ve seen him several times. He’s great in concert.

Let’s talk about the fangirls who use their precious vacation time to go to fucking Waco so they can post a pic of them at Magnolia on Instagram wearing a t-shirt that says “#shiplap.”

Noooooo, teens! Lil Yachty is a TERRIBLE rapper! I don’t mean that in a “turn down that racket, youngsters!” way. His rhymes are awful. He mumbles. It’s just bad! I don’t understand why he’s so popular!

Then my job here is done.

No love for Felicity?! Kit’s not even a real American Girl. I mean, she came out in 2008! I reject it.