So, I’m childfree and plan to remain so. But I have a close friend who is dealing with infertility and she’s given me insights into a lot of things people casually say, not knowing they’re hurtful.

For starters, announcing ahead of time that you hope you’re not coming off as an asshole is a really good sign that you know full well you’re about to be one.

You are coming off as an asshole here. And, no, you do not know that there is in fact a baby when you adopt. In foreign adoptions, you may be unsure that the baby even exists. In domestic ones, you don’t know if any birth parents will be interested in adopting to you or if they will change their minds about adoption.…

I don’t recommend that.

Could we also deep six the myth that all CF people roll around in their buckets of money? Many of us feel we aren’t financially solvent enough for kids.

Please don’t do that.

Well, that’s just being an asshole. If your friend wants to read this, she can click on the title and do so. Presumably, you can avoid discussion of IVF if you wish to do so as well.

Yeah, my comment was originally much more...strong in its language, but I decided to go with a more mild tone. Really, it would be horrible to send this to a woman trying to have a baby.

Exactly. There’s a difference between being childless by choice and childless because of infertility.

Hm...I don’t know. I think this kind of article might hurt your friend’s feelings, since she obviously wants children very badly but can’t have them.

I’m fairly certain that 99% of the women who make snide comments about childless women are just jealous. Why else would they care so much about someone else’s decision?

I really don’t understand all the fuss over what kids do or don’t do to your life/ marriage/ body. I have a 3 year old with another one on the way and I gotta say... it’s really not as “life changing” or dramatic as people make it out to be. My husband and I decided to have kids. So we did. And now we’re just trying…

It all came out ok in the end and we’ve certainly made our peace with it all. But you know, sometimes it isn’t a choice but a set of circumstances foisted on you. It royally pisses me off when people assume (which happens WAY more often than one would expect) somehow I’m less an adult because I can’t grow up enough…

I’m not the person you asked, but it went swell for me. I just said “I don’t want kids” and any guys who wanted kids or showed the least bit of judgement/confusion about that, I immediately lost all interest in. Like, the “but... motherhood” or “one day, I’d like...” immediately caused my libido to take a nosedive, so…

I’m a guy, but felt similar. Never really felt any need or “draw” to be a parent. I think part of it is I remember too much about being a kid to want to have any of my own.

I’ve told the longer story elsewhere on Jezebel but the short of it is my wife almost died from an ectopic pregnancy. We generally fall back on “well we tried but God tried to kill my wife so I figure its out of our hands. Take it up with him.”

Glad to see this! I’m 35 and I do not want children - never have. However, it would be super nice to have a partner / be married one day. I’m permanently single - not by choice - and it seems like the men I come across on dating websites are all freaking obsessed with children. Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating a smidge.…

Lol. Fuck ‘em.

I’m 40, married, with no children. It’s amazing how in 2017 I still get snide comments from people for choosing a life without kids (particularly from women of child bearing age). I’m selfish, my life has no meaning, and, by all accounts, I’ll have no one to care for me when I’m old. Even as a child growing up, I knew…

This world-weary, bitter hipster style of writing was popular at the end of the 1990s in dying formerly-cutting-edge alternative shopper weeklies like the Village Voice and the Advocate. It never went away, unfortunately, and was amplified in less capable hands by Gawker, and now, still, 20 years hence, Jezebel.