“Foodies" are the worst kind of people. We all eat girl, we all eat. It doesn't make you special. Go ahead and eat that emu reduction served in the nose of a dead falcon.

And yet, you’re the one who’s unhappy with how today went. Sad!

I’m the captain now.

I personally love everything going on today.

No thanks.

I had hookworms as a kid. Tiny, white, wiggly worms that live in your butthole. I saw one sticking out of my poop one day and told my mom, who thought I was just being paranoid and told me to ignore it. Flash forward a few weeks later and it feels like my ass is full of broken glass. I go to take a dump, thinking it…

I’m not a regular pooper. I go maybe 2-3 times a week, and it’s not uncommon for me to go a week without taking a shit. I’ve been to the doctor, they say it’s fine but to keep track of how often I go. So for the past 4 years or so, I’ve kept track of my pooping. Maybe a year and a half ago, my boyfriend went to Vegas…

Finally I get to share my story publicly in a setting where people WANT to hear it!!! In December 2014, I started having really massive stomach cramps. I thought perhaps I had eaten something bad, or was PMSing, but these cramps were constant. I couldn’t sleep, I stopped being able to eat. I couldn’t stand up…

I voted “stand” but I really mean “crouch”. I hover my ass over the toilet, reach back, scrub my b-hole, discard, and repeat as necessary. I do look back most of the time to see my efforts because sometimes it’s like “Good lord, I feel three pounds lighter” and then I see why I feel that way.

I stood up to wipe my ass until about a year ago.

I turned 29 a couple weeks ago

Wipe while sitting down? How the fuck do you wipe while sitting down? You mean crouching? I think this whole thing is based off of how people interpret the phrase “sitting down.” If you were actually still sitting on the rim of the toilet it’s impossible to get into dat ass to wipe. I selected “while standing up” but…

Yes.

You’ll never make Senior Mist Maker with that attitude!

I went the spaghetti strap route for my 1994 prom dress. Not pictured are my black satin opera-length gloves because that was the absolute height of sophistication and a MUST HAVE.

This makes me think that the justices don’t understand how insurance works. Full stop. You don’t buy insurance for specific medicines and condition. There is no “diabetes insurance” that you specifically buy on the marketplace when you need insulin. You buy comprehensive insurance and the company is gambling that more…

Yeah, Susan, the idea is to progress without The Actual By God Blood-in-the-Streets Revolution. You want Trump picking some Supreme Court justices and pushing the entirety of progress back by a couple generations?

Making the perfect the enemy of the good is always a bad idea.

This is such a wildly privileged opinion. Real people will get hurt under Trump. SCOTUS will be changed. Laws will be passed. The military will be deployed, affecting people around the globe. I get that you want a different political system but this is the one we live in. Don’t throw others under the bus in your quest…

I don't think people understand about the drivers license. The court is only looking for a payment, usually less than $300. You have to actually attend the court date and mediate. People are freaking out like he needs to come up with the full $120,000. As a single parent I am always glad when my ex has his license…

I’m probably being a huge asshole but I have trouble understanding how the non-custodial parents not paying child support are the victims here.