I'm having flashbacks to all the non-fun of applying contact paper.

This is making my insides go all jiggly wiggly, like that hot and somewhat older mama who you know is all wrong for you.

@dal20402: Yeah, my Beretta was awfully loose when I traded it.

@dal20402: Wow. Props on remembering that one. I can't remember the last time I saw one. I assume they've all been crushed by now, which is what they richly deserve.

@n0m4d: I owned one, bought it new. '89, 2.0 L 4 cyl, 5 speed. 150,000 miles later I traded it, and it wasn't anywhere near done rolling. Forgettable or not, mine had the one quality I love in a car: reliable. Yes, I said that about an 80s GM product.

@HurtsSoGood: Even though this was the most anonymous Accord, it was the last one before the line got bloated and ungainly. I'd take one of these over any newer Accord!

@hawkeye18: Who needs C&D when there's Jalopnik?!

@there4igraham: I rented an Aveo for two weeks last year. It was a better car than that Malibu.

That's only the second time in my life I've seen the word stygian used. The first time was to describe Megadeth's guitar playing.

@JayBrizzle: When these came out, I had to wipe the drool off my shirt. Never bought one, though. Rented one 2 years ago for a week and was then glad I never bought one. Never felt planted on the road. The steering wheel merely suggested direction. Brakes were iffy. Handled like a marshmallow.

A 2004 Malibu I rented in Dallas. Execrable.

@toasteroven: Are you kidding me? It's articles like this that make me heart Jalopnik!

A little Earl Scheib and it'd be a fine ride!

Oh, and I like the Plymouth hood ornaments from this era, too. I especially like them with the bigger numbers!

I have to admit, during my 1970s kidhood I thought the styling of this wagon had all the subtlety of a brick. I preferred my wagons to say Kingswood Estate on the rear haunches.

Yes, her legs were very elegante. The car, not so much.

Since when is gas mileage in the 20s gas friendly? I would think you'd have to hit 30s territory for that.

My sixtymumble-year-old mother doesn't drive. It's very old school, but Dad takes her everywhere she wants to go. When he's gone, she'll have to learn.

I carry my car key, my front door key, my office key, and the plastic fobby thing that gets me onto my floor at work. That's it. I have other keys, but I carry them only when I'm going to use them.

Good Lord, I hope none of this technology ever trickles down to the inexpensive economy cars I like to buy.