I’m going to need to more carefully consider my Brazilian dinner date invitations, it seems.

While it started as a good plan, we’re going to run out of red before we run out of asshattery.

I just promoted this locally to a group of senior citizens today. Every vote matters!

How they heck do they ever smuggle them into a game?

It’s liner, and it’s waterproof, and it’s fabulous.

“Please listen to all options, as our menu has recently changed”...

As we all feared, her face is showing her true colors now.

If you’re lucky enough to live in PeaPod territory, they have several reasonably-priced awesome meal and side packages to choose from. Never tried their turkey feast, but we do the prime rib meal each New Year’s and it is simply awesome!

That’s why I choose a window seat.

Maybe...

After my last appointment for tons of fasting blood work (at 2pm-insert side eye here), the doctor’s office had some girl call me with “results” (no numbers-just Bad cholesterol went down”, etc.) and then unhelpfully concluded by telling me the doctor said to “watch my diet”...

Drew too hoity-toity to wear his fancy polo to Chicago?

I’m gonna be so creative as to invent a Way Back machine so I can enter those super-cool contests!

When I worked for AT&T retail in 1995, we sold an item so obscure that I can’t find any reference to it online; a “Zender”.  As I recall, it was a Blackberry-looking device on which you could type a text message to send to another Zender, but I think it had quite limited range, like a walkie-talkie.  

He’s gonna show it now, isn’t he? :-(

“...jk/lulz”

Can’t we just expand the script on this tired old antimacassar of a show and let him be The Bachelor for boys, cuz I’m positive he’s just a virgin for the ladies?

He and his wife, Mrs. Grim Reaper, were there on a failed mission.

I can get my daily golf session in under 27 minutes, so there’s that bonus, too.

topical