“Why was she sitting there in the first place, right?” - Ken Starr

Must be a freshman. Upperclassmen ladies (upperclasswomen?) know how to handle balls when they’re on their knees.

Diner: “Can I have the double bacon cheeseburger, fries, beer and the injured player walk-through special please.”

Waiter: “Would you like the special teams player injury or can I interest you in upgrading to a starter?”

I guess Peterson just wanted to switch things up.

Um, maybe she was distracted because she lost her father on Friday?

That would be the greatest Belichik mindfuck of them all.

It’ll lead to a three-year, $40M deal with the Browns, where Brissett will put up a passer rating of 73.6 and be out of the league by 2020.

A lot of mid-80s births don't seem to realize they're Millennials.

You don’t know that, there’s a possibility they could play Cincinnati.

Average age of NFL players is less than 25 with an average career length of 3.3 years, so that makes Edelman positively elderly at the ripe old age of 30.

“Brissett? I prefer mine smoked with a dry rub.”

Julian Edelman was born in 1986.

We all know Brissett will be fine with 3 days of practice and will go 32/34 with 378 yards and 6 TD against the Texans on Thursday because Belichick.

This is not what I meant.

In a short tournament like this any goalie can get hot and lose to Canada in the final.

It’s hard to have less enthusiasm for this tournament than I currently do. I’ll consider it a win for my Rangers if no one gets hurt.

Let’s hope we get to see them ride off into the sunset together.

Dicks out, as they say.

I’m hungover. Leave me alone.

What did punctuation ever do to you?