the nut on the bus goes pound pound pound

“Seriously, did they just zap a pound of blood out of him or something?”

“Rep. Steve Scalise, who was nearly killed in a horrific shooting at a congressional baseball practice in June, has somehow found that being shot in the hip with a semi-automatic rifle “fortified” his views on the Second Amendment—and after at least 59 people were killed and over 500 injured by a semi-automatic rifle…

Well, he’s no Bryan Singer.

That racist judge is a brunette.

Go watch soccer then. All those sweaty, uncircumcised euros running around is more your taste anyway.

People with Pets > Entitled Assholes with “Allergies”

God it’s like the only bar you have to pass in order to become a talking head on Fox is answer “no” to the question “do you know what a fase equivalency is?”

This is like the time me and some buddies were driving down to Buffalo to see a Sabres game. We all met up at my buddy Aidan’s house and we were about to get in the car and, with it clearly in sight, I called Shotgun. Clear rules, right?

It’sh alsho not fucking tjrue.

I was given a ticket when I didn’t exceed the speed limit, because I was coaching at one school, and the patrol officer graduated from the other, and he let me know he was bitter about this. That happens in life.

Pretty fucked how basketball coaches can be charged and imprisoned for fraud yet Tom Crean still walks around a free man.

I’m not one to call some lady I’ve never met—or even heard of until now—a liar, but, umm...this:

You spelled Porsche wrong, every single time.
Congrats! :)

On the world stage, we are the guy driving a Porche, wearing a Porche shirt, under a Porche jacket, with Porche racing shoes, to take our Porche branded golf bag that has our Porche branded sunglasses to the golf course.

Trump, observing the flag protests:

I didn’t think we could get anyone who was more of a lying, duplicitous, disingenuous creep than Spicer or Scaramucci but here we are, stuck with this dead-eyed church bitch.

Man, why is it that the people claiming to be the supreme race are the lowest/poorest examples of humanity.