Once you’ve seen side by side photos of Trump and his mother and realize he slowly designed his hair into hers, nothing else he does or says feels weird anymore. At most he can only equal the Norman Bates-esque sickness of imitating his mother’s hair, but surpass it? Never. 

Fuck this guy. I don’t care how many good jokes and memes he inspires, fuck this guy and the inevitable internet cult that he’ll inspire. Fuck him, fuck Flint, fuck the made up “II” in his name, the bandana, the moustache, cults, all of it. Fuck that.

The mid 80s Mets are still the most arrogant baseball team I’ve ever seen. It was like Vinnie from Queens was caller 666 of the morning to the FAN and his prize was having a team that was equal parts Reaganomics, Gordon Gekko, the Wolf of Wall Street, and Jay McInerney. Tim Teufel was one of the low key guys on that…

Fox News was just killing time til an intern got back to the studio with 500 cases of Sharpies

My favorite part about the coffin with the “Drinkin at the Linkin” banner wasn’t even talked about much when the Scott video first surfaced. Like hauling a casket boasting about binge drinking to a NFL game isn’t really considered abnormal just by itself. 

Ty Cobb was a neurotic, violent, hard drinking racist monster, but even Cobb thought Philly fans were the worst.

If Eli Roth made a movie of it it’d be “Green Inferno 2"

That might be the best game of the entire season, and that was despite Booger McDoofus and ESPN’s blockheaded flag colored graphics which were so lame even the worldwide leader in sports needed to change it mid game. That game was so good it felt like Dandy Don Meredith was back in the MNF booth

Say something about Tyreek Hill there and a flash mob of KC fanatics instantly attack. By the time anyone hears their enraged screams of “NO POLICE CHARGES!” and various Biblical references about sin, forgiveness, casting stones, etc, it’s already too late. The last thing they see are hundreds of ketchup and mustard…

Brown jersey with white pants? Classy. White jersey with brown or orange pants? Nice. Even a brown jersey with orange pants (luv ya Brian Sipe) could’ve worked.

Staahhhp. The Browns were seriously feeling themselves and got their asses kicked, whatever. Hope the team learned a lesson and move on.

I’m going to pretend “New shit, same toilet” was also part of Walker’s post game interview/dis track and you're the producer who made that studio magic happen

With a name like Kaare Vedvik, if the kicker thing doesn’t work out he can become one of those early Noble literature winners with a bunch of blood and soil, “I accept God’s immeasurable cruelty through my hopelessly earnest attempt to live off of this dark, barren, cold homeland which has shattered my family for…

Does that mean Fireman Ed can lead singalongs with the J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS chant? 

Donovan McNabb in a Dracula cape should’ve popped up out of that “Drinkin at the Linkin” coffin

Frank Clark will tweet he has a fish tank that clavicle can clean, then delete it but KC will say it’s fine as long as he informed them and they never saw the tweet anyway.

Say that again after getting caught in a blizzard on Interstate 81 and deciding to pull off the highway to find a motel for the night. There are parts of PA, aka The Ice Appalachians, that make the Hatfields and McCoys seem like feuding professors at MIT

If Zelda Fitzgerald had come back from the dead and started dancing the Charleston while swigging champagne from the bottle and snorting entire lunch bags of cocaine off Roger Goodell’s hair, that game still would’ve sucked in every way (except for Zelda.) Including the coach outfits with white shirts and skinny black…

Once during the winter Olympics, my wife began talking about the personalities and skills and all of various female figure skaters. I’d never seen her watch any skating competitions whatsoever, and when I asked how she knew all that stuff she said it was a girl thing and women just knew about skaters.

After the Rams offense was miserably shut down in a few regular season games, with neither the coaches nor Goff apparently able to adjust, I feared what Belichick might do them in the SB. But nothing could’ve prepared me for...that.