I don’t fuck around with avocados, man.

Nah, that’s a myth. Exposure to oxygen is the problem, and the tomatoes don’t have anything to do with that.

No wonder their guacamole is so damned lame. Proper guacamole needs a FUCK TON of lime juice, and a similar FUCK TON of cilantro (haters to the left). Also sea salt, finely diced grape tomatoes, and a hefty dose of cumin (powder, not whole seeds).

We all just got charged $2.95 for reading this.

Ha ha. They’re starting to get it. Oh, not that they should respect everyone or anything that profound.

Isn’t beard wash called shampoo?

I don’t know why more people don’t put down the lid before flushing. Maybe it’s easy for me to remember ‘cause I keep mine down all the time (gross cat who will drink from toilets), but, I mean, once you know about aerosolization... who wouldn’t? That spray dries in no time and the bacteria die, it’s not gonna kill…

“ cocaine and dookie “

I’ve always disliked facial hair. I feel totally justified now.

Isn’t it funny how whenever you ask these asshats about climate change they punt it by saying “I’m not a scientist” but they are more than willing to substitute their own medical knowledge and advise for those of actual doctors?

In contrast, I’ve declared an unofficial policy at work of tossing all the gossip rags that come in with Jenner on the front, because I am just not able to sit there and listen to the ignorant, bigoted shit that frequently comes out of the waiting room when we leave them out. Those damn things are bad enough already,…

Constitution = federal level. So, fuck off and go back to Gawker, troll.

“If he says he’s a woman, then he’s a woman,” perennial presidential candidate Rick Santorum told Buzzfeed.

I don’t think he’s really pandering to the LGBT community - I think he’s pandering to straight conservatives who have LGBT family members/friends/etc. People who don’t care that much about gay rights, but would still be turned off by hearing him make the kind of nasty homophobic remarks he’s made in the past.

Hey, guess what, Santorum? I don’t respect everybody. For instance, I most definitely don’t respect you, ya frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.

Did someone say Eleganza? I guess the men weren’t macho enough to wear these....

I think you are totally right. Too many years of watching Faux News will make anyone want to talk to the animals.

I grew up in a very pro-AC/DC household, its been my dad’s favorite band since forever and my initials are AC. So when I got engaged to my H (initials DC), I knew I had to have an AC/DC cake topper. I cut out green card stock using a template of the band’s logo, then painted the card stock pieces with green glitter…

Ours was a unicorn wearing a veil and a t-rex wearing a top hat. The t-rex was then stomping on a tradition plastic little bride and groom thing from the dollar store. I made the whole thing myself. I think I paid maybe, tops, $25 for all the bits and pieces to put it together?