I buy things off a person's wedding registry and never give them the gift.

Chicago Bro is very accurate but you should add under "Secret shame" that he shaves his chest hair regularly.

Is this like when you equate bad sex with cold pizza? It is still delicious delicious pizza.

Discriminated? Really.

Hannity: Go to the funnel, for example. It used to be we were younger, you do a shotgun, [pantomime's preparing a beer to shotgun] you put a hole in the bottom of the beer can, put it up here, you open.

I see this the same way I see couples that talk about having sex all the time. Not that there is anything wrong with not having sex.

One of the best movies to watch on basic cable.

<3mainpage rage

Can't stop laughing.

Blue Moon is what you get when you realize there are other beers than Bud and Miller.

I can't exist without caffeine.

Compassion for those in the criminal justice is something not even the most liberal are capable of.

I yell compliments at women on the street. Why would you call it harassment? You must be ugly or a lesbian.

Exactly.

Exactly! #teamcaffeine

#teamcaffeine

#teamcaffeine

I refuse to put my winter coat on after the first day of spring.

How am I suppose to get a beer before I get my regular abortion?

Advil won because of logic and need of painkillers.