Oh my god, I need to write a novel about that amazingly badass chef that starts with her espionage training and goes through the mission that puts her deep undercover as a chef like right fucking now

At the risk of sounding like the most pretentious douchelord to ever stick my head up my own ass, there is a difference between steamed milk and the foam. Steamed milk is milk that's, well, hot because you put a steam wand in it and let it whoosh around the pitcher for a while. Microfoam is just a stupid name for the…

This just in, Starbucks is desperately trying to hop onto any passing bandwagon to try and stay relevant. Up next: Coffee Courier! The hip new app that brings you Starbucks own blend of shitty burnt coffee at the push of a button! We'll overcharge you, store your personal information, and disappear in two months - so…

You blasphemous fools! You've forgotten the 11th, and obviously most important, Commandment - "THOU SHALT NOT TAKE KIRBY DELAUTER'S NAME IN VAIN"

Oh, don't be embarrassed! Man, apparently I come off as way more of a jerk than I mean to when I talk about being a barista - maybe it's just residual sarcasm from the old job leaking through. But seriously, getting a lot of milk in your coffee is A OK, and it's not like we automatically told anyone who wanted a lot…

Hey man, I would never stand between someone and some whiskey in their coffee. Hell I'll actively encourage it, right before I sneak around the corner with them and demand that they share. If I'm giving out a hookup like that I expect a little something in return, you know?

Oh hey, I remember that episode of Hannibal.

I swear, it's like people think they're some sort of genius masterminds when they try to pay less for their already expensive coffee. My personal favorite was when someone asked for a small coffee with room in a large cup, because they ALWAYS went and added like half the pitcher of cream as if that was going to be the…

Among the many, many things I do not and will never miss about working in food service, being forced to work several Christmas nights in a row is definitely up there. There's just something so fucking demoralizing about having to leave your family at like noon, drive all the way home to an empty apartment, and then go…

I would like to thank not only God but also Jesus for the chance to see Pinkham rip apart the Precious Snowflakes who feel it is their sacred duty to defend belligerent asshole customers one last time before the year is over. It truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

Enh, really not that bad. By "tall" you mean small, right? So that'd be a triple short non fat vanilla latte with light syrup...yeah dude, don't feel bad about ordering that. Actually if a customer had ordered that from me I'd be cool with them getting that many shots in a small drink (most of us drank double short…

Honestly, it really depends on the place. My store had whole, nonfat, and soy, so if someone asked for lowfat or 2% we would just do a glug of nonfat and a couple glugs of whole and called it good. It wasn't the end of the world for us, especially not if we weren't busy, but I have to say that it was a little bit…

Well then, I have to say that I genuinely did not know that until just now, nor was it every brought up by a different coworker with Type II diabetes. If I had known I certainly would have been much less willing to do that, although as I said before it was a very rare occurrence. I think I only personally ever did it…

You bring up a couple of good points! Here's the thing though - I've seen this brought up here and some other places, and a lot of the worries that people have are based in some misunderstandings. Off the bat let me just say that when I was a barista, I would NEVER have made a substitution in someone's order if it…

Oh believe me, he was absolutely banned from that point forward, and I'm pretty sure my manager let our other locations know just in case he tried going there instead. After having worked with some really shitty managers who threw me under the bus for every little thing, or the one very nice manager who unfortunately…

Exactly. Listen, as long as it's physically possible (something that's not always a sure thing for these concoctions people come with) and we have the stuff, I'll make your stupid drink. It's my job. But if you're routinely a total shitbag to me about it, never have a nice thing to say to me, and never leave a cent of…

I worked for about three years after college as a barista for a local chain of coffee shops, and while the job itself could be pretty shitty I was lucky to have the most amazing group of coworkers you could ask for. People tended to stick around that company for a while, so we were essentially a big family and if you…

Never in my life did I think I would be gloating over a legal non-action that put a final end to the Great Mayonnaise War of 2014.

You say "gloopy pancake batter", I say "socially acceptable vehicle for bourbon before noon so I can avoid yelling at my racist family". The fact that it is absolutely gloopy pancake batter is just an unfortunate side effect.

Alright, I've been a professional lurker for quite a while now, but I'm breaking my silence because I need to share the ultimate Holiday Beverage with you all. It's technically more of a New Year's concoction than Christmas, but if your family parties as hard as mine it's good for any occasion.