I'm definitely afraid of moist clowns. 

One of my bartender friends (female) would absolutely go into disgusted/outrage mode if she heard the words “moist panties”. “Moist” on it’s own definitely set her off, but "moist panties" was a whole other level of disgust. 

I once dated a woman who referred to her genitalia as her "little friend". She really liked her little friend. I absolutely loved her little friend. I sometimes think fondly of both her & her little friend to this very day. 

That's a very good word!

If Lizzo wasn’t a thing 2 years ago, what about 3 years ago when “Good as Hell” dropped?

Alcohol? But what about all of the cocaine? My ex-girlfriend (from my college years) is married to a guy who spent the better part of a year touring with Metallica as a member of their opening band and there were lots of stories about the headliners coke habits during the tour. 

I’ve just realized that, because I’m more than a decade older than Stephen Miller, I'll likely die before he does. That hardly seems fair. 

I've got you beat. I'm almost 52 & white and I know that Lizzo is fucking fantastic. 

That’s just him though. I’m a middle-aged white dude and I’ve loved Lizzo since the very first time that I caught part of a radio interview a few years back. I had to google it that night when I got home because I barely got any of the details at the time. I just knew that I had heard an amazing song performed by an…

You can’t post that without telling us who the band is, so that each of us can decide if we’re either envious or if we wouldn’t even want to be in the same room as the aforementioned band. Don't worry, we respect you either way. 

Better yet, draw a cross on your hands with a Sharpie before you open it. My wife is incredibly superstitious as a result of her upbringing and I’ll sometimes catch her drawing crosses on the bottom of her feet before she has to go someplace that she really doesn’t want to go to or deal with people who she doesn’t…

Thick soups rule! I love to add plenty of fresh ground black pepper on top of them. Thin soups are good if you're really sick though.

I think that it’s probably a neighbor’s ghost (who desperately wants cake, but who is forbidden from haunting any premises other than your neighbors) that you're hearing. 

That’s a whole lotta flavors doing battle there. My imagination leads me to believe that the results could either be delightful or chaotic. Since it's you I'm going to assume that they're divine. 

Your nice kitties made me wonder WHERE IS KRISPY WITH OUR WEEKLY SHELTER CAT UPDATES? Your cats are great, but I need my weekly dose of Bruce. 

I love your writing AND your handwriting.

I now desperately want cake!!! Or at least frosting!!!! Curse you Bartender! Nah, I take it back (upon realizing that I do have something which should satisfy my craving), THANK YOU Bartender!

Maybe he's the ghost? 

I am envious of any man who gets to eat cake in the middle of the night. Just like in rock paper scissors, cake always beats ghosts.

Many of America’s political enemies speak English, while essentially none of America's political leaders speak anything but English (yes, yes, I know that we've got some Spanish happening now).