White onions are just a tool of the man. Go purple or go home. 

When I was 19 or so I ate an entire onion raw (like an apple) for $5.00. It might have been $10.00, but I'm pretty sure it was $5.00. I was a poor college student. 

As required whenever badgers are mentioned:

Where do they still have grocery baggers? 

I think that an ice cold aluminum softball bat might be better. 

Yeah, I didn’t pick up that it was a Red Meat reference until after I’d already posted. I thought that maybe you were Jeff Fox and my initial thoughts which were triggered by “Milkman Dan” were of Dan Mapp, who served as the Dead Milkmen’s road manager for many years (and who Jeff Fox spent a summer touring with).

Different situation, I know, but if I call on one of my customers and they want to ask me about one of my company’s new products and I have absolutely no idea what they’re talking about, then I look like an unprofessional schmuck. It’s not just my job to show up. It’s my job to know what’s going on in regard to my…

I like my wife too. She’s pretty cool all in all. One of her only bad traits is that she married a straight white American dude, but I’m gonna give her a pass on that one since it’s me (I’m kinda sick of the demographic which includes myself). How long have you been in Canada? Which part? Do you love it? I freaking…

Hmmm....I guess I've never looked for it. Is it the same though? Canadian Fresca is drastically different than American Fresca. 

Are you referencing Dan Mapp? Your screen name implies that you might be someone that I knew 1,000 years ago. Warrington? It’s Dwight. I live in Toronto, Ontario, now. I don’t do social media (other than this), so you don’t have to worry about me bugging you.

Philadelphia sports fans are the best! 

I waited several minutes for the picture to load, but all I’ve got is an image of a ghost bottle in the fog (okay, yes, you can use that for the name of your new band). Can you please tell me the proper name of the ghost bottle so that I might try it when I visit next summer?

That took me way too long to get, but I'm still half asleep. Maybe if I had read this later in the day? 

Hmm, and I vaguely recalled that it actually was the one that did leave a nasty aftertaste. We can discuss this again in mid-July 2020. I’m planning to try it again in early July.

I’m definitely a Tolkien fan, but not an obsessive. A speech from 1955 regarding the sound of particular words is a bit too far for me. I do have friends that could probably recite the whole thing from memory though. BTW, I always enjoy that standard troll dismissing thing that you post whenever those Trumpy-type…

I don't know her. 

Nah, I return from traveling in time & space virtually every day, but I return to Canada (having long since abandoned the place of my birth). I do, however, usually return to “Ameri-caca” (as my wife likes to call it) every July to catch up with friends & family. Also to have my mind blown by Trumptopia. At my first…

Absolutely. Trump would claim to be “pro-porch”, but who would believe him? Can you imagine how awkward & insincere that goofus would look sitting on a porch with his ill-fitting suit, his forced smile, & his two thumbs up? 

“Porch” is way better than "cellar door". Who doesn't love a nice porch? I don't know many people who have strong feelings about cellar doors one way or another. 

I have enjoyed your musings so much that I’ve now decided to try to hunt down a Diet Dr Pepper for myself when I return to the U.S. next summer. I only have vague childhood recollections of Dr Pepper and I don’t seem to think it was very good, but hey, I’m gonna give it a try because I trust you.