But who will they cast as the janitor who cusses out the players while sweeping up the pieces of the shattered backboard?

Milk 2: Lemonade.

Mistakes are fixed on Monday. It’s the mother fucking weekend baby!

OTOH, does anybody miss stuff like the McDLT?

Aparna Nancherla

There’s always Nick Kroll.

Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen?

Fair’s fair.

Comrade Legume.

Also like Quibi, most OnlyFans viewers watched for about 3 minutes at a time.

The other whores and I will have to go back to stealing lemons.

“...accepting that the luggage system is in charge of his life now, and he will go wherever it takes him”

Straight into the x-ray machine.

Are we not all drunk Russians on this crazy luggage carousel of life, helpless and left to our fate?

I wish we had that when me and the missus were expecting our little guy ... Coconut Shrimp Jr. is headed for second grade this year!

You can buy Cheddar Bay Biscuit mix at the grocery store. I doubt it’s packaged anywhere near shellfish. You might not want to deny yourself any longer.

Ok PETA, is a vegan hot dog a sandwich?

Mix and mislabel the food coloring. “Is it a boy?, a girl?. Cheddar Biscuit filling is purple. It’s a Crustacean! /Why not Zoidberg?” 

On the one hand, gender reveal parties are weird.

Life Protip, refer to gender reveal parties as baby genital parties enough times BEFORE your friends are pregnant and you never have to attend one.

Though  I met Pat McAfee at one of the two I’ve ever attended, that was sick