I’m sure everyone inclined to roast Ellie Kemper over this made nothing but flawlessly progressive and unquestionably great life choices when they were 19 years old.

When the assholes whine about “Cancel Culture™”, this kind of dumb, reaching, shit gives them legitimacy.

Fixed that title for you.

There’s more black people at Veiled Prophet Ball than work at the AV Club

This article is fucking stupid even by the extremely low standards of Nu-AV Club. Even the people on The Root wrote it off and AVC is still trying to make it into some big thing. 

“here’s hoping she at least understands why people are upset over her participation in an event rooted in white supremacy”

This would appear to violate the Florida law that prohibits discrimination on the basis of vaccination status. You know, the one that DeSantis pushed through in order to “protect” people from privacy concerns and to “protect” their “personal choice” to be safe reservoirs where the virus can survive, mutate, and…

Yes, because it can only be of one thing.

Exactly. If she doesn’t play in the grand slams, she’ll lose not only the majority of her earning but also sponsorships. These events have been around for 150+ years in some cases. There are other star players on the tour, more and less successful than her, who all follow the rules of the sport. If you can’t commit to…

Naomi Osaka is not even close to being the biggest draw in the sport.

Doing post match pressers is something that most athletes are contractually obligated to do in exchange for being able to make millions doing what they love. If Naomi has an issue with it, she should have brought it to the players council so that they could collectively renegotiate the requirement or perhaps start…

She’s happy to take all the money from sponsorship deals but doesn’t want to have to have some icky conversations with semi-strangers as part of the job every other professional tennis player has to do. Boo-hoo.

Has recognitions appeared yet to advise us all on why we need to firebomb this movie?

That honestly isn’t true. Some of his movies have sucked, but Old School, Road Trip and the first Hangover are genuinely funny. Even Hated, his G.G. Allin documentary, is pretty interesting, and Joker was, while not my favorite superhero movie of all-time, a well-directed and well-acted film that would have been a lot…

Why would Ellen be sorry about this news? Does she lose anything by this particular show filling her slot after she leaves it vs. a different show? It’s not like Ellen is being bumped out early. The headline makes no sense (especially the first, extremely important, word). Did the person who wrote it read the article?

It's my second favorite Keanu accent after Bram Stoker's Dracula. But the ne plus ultra of spotty accents is Ewan McGregor in Nightwatch. 

Ehhh...I suppose? But then again, how many “Ten lines from George on Seinfeld that are problematic” posts can sites in 2021 make before we’re like “Look, kids, you need to move on”?

Rand Should’ve Known Better than to pick a fight with someone who was actually popular back in his day. As Rand knows, words Don’t Mean Nothing when they’re said via Twitter. However, Richard Marx is a stand up guy and I’m Right Here Waiting for him to arrange this meet up!

My solution: Give the Israelis Florida.

Actually she’s a bit more than that. There is apparently an ABC executive that views her as part of a political dynasty and that is why she is there. Her husband is absolute trash and yet the network still pays her a substantial amount of money to be an idiot. So this lies squarely under the ABC umbrella