Sleep easy, England. Next year your hopes of keeping a 4th Champions League spot are going to rest in Leicester City, Tottenham, and Arsenal doing well in Europe.

Now is the start of Arsenal finishing 3rd every season!

Bullshit. They’ll push Wenger back and forth around the alley in a non-threatening manner and then lose control of him before they ever get a chance to shoot.

Alright, look, I don’t want to give up my sources, but if the Warriors want to trade Curry, Green, and Thompson to the Lakers for Swaggy P, the Lakers will listen. And if that shit goes down, I want my proper attribution. Okay? I will be coming hard on my 100-follower Twitter account for anyone who doesn’t credit me…

“No talking about the Wizards. Don’t do it! I’m watching your ass.”

I think the more impressive thing here is Juan Cuadrado not looking like shit.

Let’s all have a good laugh at Jose Mourinho

He’s definitely the best footballer whose name autocorrects to Homely Bukkake.

Let’s all have a good laugh at Jose Mourinho who did not think Romelu Lukaku was of the required quality for Chelsea.

Buck up Arsenal fans, the race for fourth place is still wide open.

But doesn’t that mean the pitchers succeed?

A-yup

There are times when I’d disagree (he has a tendency to act in a particularly assholish manner when facing certain Orioles pitchers), but I agree he can be fun to watch.

The greatest mascot in all of sports. Fight me about it. Also, the craziest in mascot in sports when he dances with ladies and pulls up his shirt and looks at the ladies next to him to flash also. He also smells like stale pee. A Philly legend.

Jose Bautista is goddamned delightful and is part of what makes baseball fun to watch. I feel sorry for these unwritten rules clutching sandbags that can’t see that.

Nice to finally see a little windfall from the tail end of Ruben Amaro Jr’s tenure with the Phillies when everyone in the organization became accustomed to performing with one hand tied behind their back.

SAVE THE WOMEN ESPECIALLY AJ McCARRON’S WIFE I’M GONNA GIVE HER A FACIAL I PLAY EVEN HARDER IN THE SECOND HALF

Is that you Greggggg?

So Tottenham will go another year without a trophy.

You should see the number of helmet stickers that Kasich has earned.