You could have picked any kinja handle but you went with the title of my 3 year old daughter’s favorite book. 

It's week 14.

bad call by belichick. you can’t put gronk out there if you want to STOP a 69-er.

Adherence to a strict personal code still compels him to grumble “nice”.

The first 69 Gronk doesn’t like

I want to turn this play into a snortable powder and inhale it for eternity.

Not old enough to drink, but old enough to drive drunk Mommy home. I hope you took advantage of that

I feel like I officially became an old (and an undiagnosed alcoholic, apparently) a few years ago. My university occasionally sends out “ambassadors,” undergrads who interview alumni about what we liked and disliked about our college experiences.

I had a reverse of that. While in a rather serious conversation that would ultimately determine the course of both our lives, I spontaneously proposed to my wife while she was WASTED on two bottles of red wine. Her response was “wahht did you say? Fuck you. Fuck you.”

Ok, so this is just a weird story, and it’s funny now, but at the time (5years ago?)it was all kinds of wtf. My husband works in logistics and runs a huge warehouse full of fancy electronics. Contracts with the armed forces, schools, etc. They throw an annual holiday party, and go heavy on the drinks- open bar. I…

Haha, she remarried several years later, I actually made her and my step-dad dinner tonight. He’s wonderful, and she deserves him.

we have a winner!

Damn. Honestly, that’s not bad! I may have to use that one next time i fall head over heels in love with someone (so probably tomorrow)

...daaaaayyyyymmmmmn.

A colleague died at our holiday party. Major coronary on the dance floor. 

I hope she chewed extravagantly.

I’ll skip all of the tear-filled Christmas eves as a kid where my mom frantically panic-cleaned the house preparing for my grandmother (her mom) to arrive the next day. Inevitably I’d move something into the wrong spot and get yelled at. Also inevitably grandma would come over the next day and comment on the one spot…

My husband works for a company that’s incredibly conservative. I generally hate his holiday party because I feel like it’s impossible to have fun, I always have to monitor what I say so I don’t let my evil atheist liberal views slip. ANYWAYS, about 15 years ago when the company was still relatively small, they invited…

One of my earliest memories is of Christmas. I was around 2 and at a family Christmas party. My dad noticed I had a weird look on my face. He asked what was the matter and picked me up. I rested my head on his shoulder and proceeded to vomit down his back.

I’m deeply tickled by the surreal comedy of