BEHOLD

True story: The high horse I picture you on is actually Eeyore.

If it makes you feel any better, about 5000000 comments so far here, on Twitter and Facebook are "UH BUT THEY SELL GUNS AT WALMART, JEZEBEL." And I don't think weed is their excuse.

Truly, as you noted, the Iago.

My role is very Shakespearian in that I simply plant the seeds of discontent and stand back as Kate and Kara tear each other apart.

This is why he doesn't want to be called a feminist....

Actual male feminists are the greatest! Like my dad, who did most of the parenting and showed me from birth that gender roles are bullshit. Or my friend who set me straight a long time ago when I said something truly ignorant about, "How can it be rape if the person doesn't try to say no or resist?" Or like a lot of…

This is classic. It's almost unbelievable.

Haha. In one of my first columns ever, I made the lesbian joke. I think half the comments were pissed off at that ONE joke. So now I stick to head gaskets and, when appropriate, Vermont.

I like the flip-flops in the snow gag. and I'm baffled by the fact that someone is clamoring to hear the damn lesbian joke AGAIN.

For the last two years, I have tried to make just ONE Subaru joke that lands. You can't do it. Subaru owners are simply too sensitive. You can't say lesbian, flip flop, grape nuts, sandal, Vermont, Colorado, pot, hemp, or Oregon, without them complaining about how the joke is old. I have literally never experienced…

Volkswagen has repeatedly stated that it views the US market as a top priority. In fact, Volkswagen built a factory in the US and now produces in it a US-specific midsize sedan. Not to mention their repeated goals of selling 800,000 cars in the US by 2018, a measure that has been repeated ad nauseam to everyone on…

Sorry, was DeMuro's joke not old and tired enough for you?

To carry out this task, I like to play a little game called: How badly did Subaru beat Volkswagen this year? I started playing this game last year, when Volkswagen – an enormous, powerful, multi-national conglomerate who creates new sales targets by adding zeroes to previous ones – delivered fewer cars than Subaru,…

:) :) :)

jia, i like the way you do words in the order that you do. you are good at words orders.

This is hilarious and an excellent way of making the point but, even though I know you're kidding, I want to point out that there's no "too big for condoms" but there absolutely is "may be too big for a regular condom to operate at peak effectiveness."

Is this what local news is like? Do they even care?