She’s Marie Antoinette with less self-awareness, somehow.

Thoughts and prayers.

This is so meta and I love it

She ran into a check from Chanel.

That that screen shot just want onto my Facebook. Congrats!

part of me is so very impressed and part of me is very disturbed. well done!

Ah, yes. “I’ve made up my mind, don’t confuse me with the facts.”

Hey, they saved her from a fate worse than death!

I told my younger sister that brussel sprouts were aborted cabbage patch kids. 

That’s cold, yo.

LOL

I had to say achooie-woowie-woots at least sixteen times out loud. :)

Oh man, I remember the first time I got a rim-blow in a cemetery. It was in a ‘72 Olds Cutlass! 

Straight out of PG Wodehouse. I approve.

Omg. That is incredibly funny!!

My sister used to tell me I was adopted. The rest of the fam found it hilarious that I would get upset and cry over this.

This is my fave. I love your mom.

I was born with a heart defect that required surgery at a young age. So like most heart patients, my parents were told to limit my sodium intake*. Problem was, I fucking loved salt and would probably have eaten a handful of it if I were allowed.

My mother told me that when someone sneezes the appropriate response is “achooie-woowie-woots!” Not bless you. Achooie-woowie-woots. I thought it was bless you in another language, like “gesundheit.” It wasn’t until I was an adult teaching middle school that anyone questioned “achooie-woowie-woots.” One of my 8th…

Growing up, I spent summers with my great aunt and uncle in the small community where all of my extended family lived (except my parents, who moved us to an even more rural community that was terrifying even to six year old me). And one of daddy’s first cousins committed a triple murder in that town one night when I…