If the L.A. foot is on the New York nut, then by the transitive property, they’re stepping on the Florida cop’s wife’s eye.

“Kept a foot on their nut and just kept pushing.”
“Go on...” -Rex Ryan

I am so sick of the Patriots winning that I actually screamed “NOOOO!” here in my office on the final play of the game.

“Jokes on you, Robby. My wife has a nut allergy, which is why we can’t even have sex anymore.”

What would Mean Girls 2 even be about? They wrapped up the story pretty well in the first movie. I’d rather see a buddy-cop movie starring Janice and Damian.

I have it on good authority that the bartender at PF Changs is black, and that Mark Davis, after his fourth appletini did in fact offer him the job. Negotiations broke down only after Davis couldn’t get the bartender to be his best friend in the entire world as well.

HMMMMMM

The Vikings there just didn’t have a Kluwe.

I disagree. I think Samer’s dad should have his own regular column.

Well, what else do you expect when Broadway shows are, by their very nature, an art that few get to experience live considering you need to a) have the money to get to NYC, b) have the money to stay there or nearby, c) have the vacation time to, d) have the money to buy tickets (yes, you can lottery, but that’s not…

That’s literally the first thing I tell him (just in a less ultimatum-y “this is how it needs to be or else” way). Then I offer some other approaches in case he’s still willing to try and make things work.

Why do Hot Dogs come in 10 packs while Buns come in 8?

This is such a load of stupid xenophobic bullshit. You don’t need the be told that, though, you already know that.

“The receiving player must maintain full control of the ball from the initial point of contact all the way through CTE diagnosis.”

I don’t normally engage people ecpressing anti-immigrant sentiment/xeniphobia, but I majored in Economics and am the daughter of two formerly undocumented persons. I walked across the stage at my graduation from UC Berkeley while my dad sat in an ICE detetion center over 600 miles from my parents’ home. Only 2 people…

Right? I love everything about pregnancy and motherhood so far, but we’re stopping because of everything you mentioned. These dickheads act like I just want to keep my hard partying lifestyle and just don’t want the personal limitations of children like it’s a selfish thing(not a problem, you do you). Newsflash: It’s…

Paul isn’t Daddy. Even if he were, I think you might want to politely suggest he might shut the fuck up.

I’ll tell Paul Ryan the same thing I tell my parents and all their noisy friends: you want me to have babies, create an environment where having and raising a child doesn’t cost an entire adult person’s salary and I’ll think about it.

So like ... can I have maternity leave? Affordable prenatal care? Any treatment for my battered lady-bits after birth? Help with childcare? (My parents live very, very far away and I really like what I do for a living.) Will my daughters be able to get jobs where they won’t be harassed by their employers, or is their…

PFTCommentor is the voice of reason...while still entirely being in character. 2017 is so fucking weird