Godspeed. The good Ashleys of the world thank you for your service.

I'm reminded of the Groucho Marx quote, "I refuse to be a part of any club that would have me as a member."

Not too mention why would you ever want to submit your child to unnecessary chemicals at such a young age?

The point, though, is that even if the 2-year-old could, not relaxing her hair doesn't make her hair unkempt or inappropriate.

If you think a 2-year-old is going to sit patiently in a salon chair while her hair gets relaxed, I have a bridge I'd like to sell you.

I don't think that anyone is saying that you can't be hot and funny, or that Sofia Vergara isn't both.

I can do without vom close-ups, but I am cracking up about that taxi driver that was like, "NOPE."

My complaint isn't so much toward MTV, but artists who can't rely on their talents, so they have to be shocking. And I'm not just talking about Katy Perry, Miley and Nicki. Even Rihanna and Beyoncé realized that they had to get naked to compete with the up and comers. It's just so overdone, it's not even original or…

But would you do it with a fox?

No, I will not in a box.

Add in the fact that food is one of the few affordable, easy-to-acquire, use-anytime things that people can use to comfort ourselves, and of freaking course we're always stuffing ourselves. We can't drink booze, smoke cigarettes, or use drugs at work, and sex isn't always easy to come by, but chocolate gives you a…

Why you gotta hate on the hobbits, eh?

What do you call a herd of rabbits running backwards?

I work as an appellate public defender, and we joke that we are ones who didn't get caught, helping the ones that did. I was a smart, bored kid, as were most of my high school friends. We created an elaborate prank where shoebox stink bombs exploded simultaneously throughout our high school. If zero tolerance had…

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

Three.
The left ear.
The right ear.
AND THE FINAL FRONT EAR.

Good. I taught at disciplinary alternative education school (think juvie-light for elementary school student.) Most of my students needed to be there for assaulting teachers or other students, setting fires, and bringing drugs or alcohol to school. I also had plenty of great students who made one stupid mistake…

+1,000 star clicks to you (And...I miss Missy Elliot!)

This video makes me weep for my people and women. Nicki can do whatever she wants but as consumers and audience we should realize what larger role this plays in society. I fully remember the days when hyper-sexualized female rappers were not the norm. Queen Latifah, Monie Love, Missy Elliot, MC Lyte, Da Brat, Roxanne…

First grade teacher here. Kids learn how to spell in "chunks". - ight is a phonics pattern we teach before o_e. Since come doesn't even follow the long O (o_e) pattern, it is a sight word, and not all kids memorize their sight words that easily (or apply it to spelling), and especially not before they know their…

My mom teaches small children and occasionally uses a Count Von Count puppet (from Sesame Street) when working with math/numbers. She does the voice, the accent, the whole nine yards; the kids love it.