So I think that would be a productive side thread - are there any articles written for lesbian women about negotiating orgasm-less marriages? I get the sense the 'bed death' thing is a slightly different narrative, but I'm not well versed and would be interested in your opinion.

Of course your experience is different because socially and culturally you not coming is a different scenario, but I think your point is still quite relevant. People assuming there are "right" and "wrong" ways to enjoy sex are essentially committing the same crimes as people who shame gay sex and oral sex and other…

I hear you, and you know what's best for you. I just wanted to add that just because it's a hookup doesn't mean there aren't minimum standards of respect. You can have a hookup that is not an emotional connection but still treats you well. But I know you know that!

Hell, that discomfort with being honest with our partners and our partners being honest with us seems like it's a large part of the overarching problem if we can even say there's a single overarching problem rather than a gaggle of sometimes connected, sometimes independent problems.

There's not really much that can be done medically right now though. You can work with a sex therapist I guess, but who knows how much that costs. Also I don't think they can actually watch you try to masturbate which is probably what you need.

I wish vibrators worked. I have vanquished even the Hitachi. And it's so much work to go get them that using them to try to masturbate doesn't seem worth it. Not sure in my case whether it's the citalopram or something else though. I don't really have proof it was better before.

The "woman of god" comment made me think wouldn't it be nice if sex felt as good as praying does sometimes. That would be amazing. It would totally be worth all the bother then. Praying can feel sooo great sometimes.

Disclaimer: I understand that the anecdote I'm about to offer up is NOT REMOTELY representative of the general population and does nothing to balance any scales in the grand scheme of things.

My boyfriend and I are both on Citalopram and trying to have an orgasm through sex is pretty much impossible for both of us. I've always had problems with anxiety and I've come twice during sex in the 12 years I've been sexually active. We masturbate together and it works out just fine. Thank goodness for vibrators.

I don't think I've ever come from vaginal intercourse, but yeah, this is also me. I am super okay with it and so is my current partner because I told him about it and he knows how to move his tongue and also how long it's gonna take. A big part of why I hope we never break up is the fact that he sexes me up just right…

It's the lack of effort that angers me. The lack of orgasms just frustrates me.

If this was ANYTHING more than a "let's hookup once every month or two" situation and this was a relationship I was relying on for anything emotional, I'd be treating it vastly differently, trust me.

Only about a third of women experience consistent orgasms from P-in-V sex. You are within the norm.

I understand the kink/chemistry thing. My last partner all the way. But I can say from a lot of experience that a man that treats you disrespectfully in bed (ignoring your requests, getting off and promptly ignoring you for a video game) is showing you his true colors and in fact doesn't respect you or care about your…

Despite having been in a 10-year-long relationship, I've only ever had an orgasm ONCE in a man's presence (not the aforementioned long term boyf). We were both under the influence of LSD and it remains the most amazing, pleasurable sexual experience I've ever had. We were only fwb but I would have married that man if…

This was me in my early twenties. I had never figured out how to make myself come, and my boyfriend never did either. He had once told me tales of multi-orgasmic nights with his ex, and tried to comfort me by telling me I probably just wasn't physically capable (because, you know, if HE couldn't make me come, no one…

Yes...

There's a guy who I'm seeing once in a while in a FWB situation. We have some amazing chemistry, until i get into bed with him, at which point he seems to think having a big cock is enough to get the job done. It's not for me at all. I need a lot of external stimulation, and no amount of me stating this has helped.
He'…

That sounds terrible. It sounds like a combination of socialized prudishness (not their fault), men-focused "sex is PIV until penis finishes", and a whole lot of indifference mashed together into a sad combination that equates to the woman being the sex-hole of the relationship. Absolutely terrible.

I get that women…

I don't orgasm as often as my husband because I can't come when stressed - meaning that often, sex on week nights is a non starter for me because I have a stressful job. I still enjoy it, I just can't come. So we do it in the morning or afternoons on weekends. If I go a couple of weeks without coming, I am super vocal…