No, she doesn’t know who the enemy is. The war isn’t horizontal, it’s vertical. How much is she worth?

Thank you for putting into words the things I’ve been feeling but unable to get down in a coherent way.

Then stay home on the day of the primary election.

¡Vaffanculo!

Jon was the only thing worth watching on late night TV that wasn’t animated.

Can’t please everyone.

Cook took a fairly clear potshot at failed blood testing startup Theranos

If I card everyone, I won’t not card the cop running the sting operation trying to catch people serving minors. I’m only going to assert my authority if you cop a shitty attitude with me - at that point, you’ve already decided I’m getting a shitty tip.

Oh, you’re my absolute favorite kind of person to ID. You don’t get a fucking drop until I see your ID, not even a fucking rum cake for you. You wanna break my fucking balls? I will gladly sacrifice my tip to show you who’s in charge of the server-alcohol-client relationship.

Then what’s the excuse for the limp-dick crust?

But...from where will I take my breakfast if not off a mirror?

Really? Y’all think you know pie and you completely gloss over the local delicacy that is Rhode Island Pizza?

If your pizza is soggy enough that folding it is a prerequisite to eating it, your pizza is garbage, full stop.

As a pie lover in an area where it’s nearly impossible to find a good pie, $17 for a good pie is worth every penny.

I hate being asked “How is everything?”. Typically it’s as your taking your first bite and have to hastily swallow to not look like an idiot with food in your mouth.

And when I ask for my tab, don’t make me wait forever, and don’t make me wait forever to come back for it.

I carded every single older lady that sat at one of my tables and ordered alcohol. I made bank.

Seriously, give Opera a shot.

This guy internets.