Congratulations. You’ve discovered LifeAlert.

But does she recognize the bodies?

She’s gonna make a great AG under President Sanders.

Can I have Saturday’s powerball numbers while you’ve got the crystal ball out?

oh my god Kamala Harris just shit all over him

Allison know’s whats up. If a Reuben isn’t your favorite sandwich, you haven’t had a well-made one.

Further it’s a well known effect and the reason that media typically don’t report about suicides

Every hero has a genesis

Haha, 2050?

imma eat you right along with the rest of the rich.

Of course they did.

We all wanted a Star Trek future where we could talk to our computers.

Ah, there it is, just over the horizon - the downward spiral towards the end of our long, national nightmare.

The ASPCA course I took said that feral cats only move into areas where the ecosystem can actually sustain them?

My family’s grown our own since I was a child. We never had some fart-sniffing term like “heirloom” for them. We were just told to go out back and grab some tomatoes for the salad.

So...it’s a head-up-your-ass way of saying locally grown?

AB’s not so hip with the kids anymore. If they know of him, they know of him as the host of some reality cooking show or another on Food Network. I’ve seen rumors of Good Eats coming back, but I’m sorely disappointed Alton let himself become the Jeff Probst of FN.

Am I the only one around here that translates “heirloom tomato” to “i’ve got my head way too far up my own ass”?

I like Stemets and the doctor, but I’m a straight white dude so take or leave that at your leisure.

Water makes things wet, and the sky is blue.