Don't stop believing.

I was hoping for a built-in defibrillator.

Cupcakes are one thing (as long as you don't pile the frosting on too high — pet peeve). I think it's the crustless sandwiches that did it. That took time, effort, and a specific intention to tell these guys "I regard you as little children."

It just comes off like giving someone a tiny little chair to sit on when they visit your office. Kind of petty.

#1: Is it ironic or not ironic at all that she married a building in an outdoor ceremony?

Serving a roomful of young workers no-crust sandwiches and cuppity cakes? Is this his way of asserting his dominance — by infantilizing his interns? Sure, interns by nature are usually young, but I assume all are over the age of 12, right? Watch out, fellas — if Dorsey rolls in a big pack of Pampers and a changing…

There's another way. You just have to know EXACTLY where to drill the hole.

If survival meant having the opportunity to create my own (MUCH more sensible) calendar, and eliminate gender-specific pronouns from the English language, well, that'd be something to live for.

When you say "David Cronenberg-helmed," I assume you're talking about a movie directed and/or produced by Cronenberg. But you also might be talking about a Spiderman who wears Cronenberg's decapitated noggin for a hat. Either way, I agree.

“Gas-powered headache machine” — perfect. Owning a car in a large city (presuming decent public transit) is a burden. Lots of places seem to rely on a driver's license as the ultimate proof of identity and age, though. But all states issue generic ID cards, right?

Oh. Well. Nicely done then.

The smallest crane should have been lifting a Tonka truck. Or the president of the company. Either/or.

I need to get this out there before anyone says "bath salts." This is NOT the work of bath salts. This is grade-A Colombian jenkem.

I was still on Last.fm when everyone went to Pandora. Now I'm on Pandora when everyone's going to Spotify, or MOG, or Rdio. Verdict: I'm old.

How am I supposed to find a $100 bill tucked into this?

It looks like an iPhone dock. For a baby.

I make it a quarterly habit to download my contacts list and save a hard copy on disk and in an isolated cloud storage system. You can fuck with my email, you can fuck with my calendar, but you do NOT fuck with my black book.

I'd like this headline a lot more if it ended with "at gunpoint."

If Sony just had to make a Spiderman movie for the sake of renewing the rights, I'd have loved to see them do something original with it. Get weird, gross, crazy, borderline pornographic. Make Green Goblin a serial killer with a skin disease, make Peter Parker a foster kid with a mean streak, make the whole concept…

This is a great argument for filling out those organ donor cards.