I really hope Peter is back this week and reads some of these emails on air.

Normally a fluff piece about Paul Rudd and Adam Scott would really appeal to me, as a semi-basic white girl in her twenties, but this morning it’s just kind of a hard sell.

Oh Madeleine, you can expect a very angry response as soon as I find a stationary store that carries ink for a Montblanc Mesiterstuck Legrand.

Madge be tryin’ too hard.

How President Trump intends to create & protect American jobs:

Pussy > veloci-posse.

I am 5’5.5. Kit’s eyes are flush with mine although he is leaning slightly. I’d say 5’6 and not a half-inch taller. (P.S. He is a genuine and lovely fellow. Also, he smells really good.)

Wait. Brody Jenner’s girlfriend’s name is Kaitlynn?

Could be North baby talking. Could be Kim misspelling.

SYNTH people! SYNTH people! Look like SYNTH, talk like PEOPLE

ALL OF THE ABOVE

“Did God do this? Nobody knows. Did the Flying Spaghetti Monster impregnate a space hippo and give birth to the world? Nobody knows.”

This is the only intelligent/rational thing I’ve read in the first 30 posts. But my least favorite line is this from Kara Brown: “What I’m saying is: I’m very good at telling if someone is black or has a black parent and this woman does not look black to me. I would have questioned this.” You can tell if someone is…

Yeah, Glenn, that’s the excuse she’s giving you. But, really, honey, it’s all you.

“We are dung! No one can tell us we’re wrong! Searching the pasture so long! Both of us knowing.”

i imagine she’ll just stare at us until we know what we did

Also, baby showers are not usually immediately followed up by another event where you’re expected to bring a gift for the same people.

I am in the camp that if you are really considering an abortion at 7mo, you should fucking get one. Because no good ever came of forcing a person to have a child and giving birth is fucking terrifying and painful and dangerous af.

I GOTTA HAVE THIS. I love Yoko and Peaches.

somewhere in the corner of the internet where they celebrate white history month, i imagine