Why Your Team Sucks 2014: Minnesota Vikings

Should have had someone who wasn't a Vikes fan write this one. I feel like you really didn't shit on Minnesota like you did to other teams and their cities/states. I hope Peterson does end up on Dallas. He deserves to leave that frozen, passive aggressive wasteland that the Vikings call home

Minneapolis likes to consider itself a Midwest Portland (for better or worse) but it's kind of like a "Go-Bots" Portland, the shittier version with horrid sprawl, winters that might as well be on the cold half of Mercury, and no alcohol sales on Sunday. It does retain the constant self-congratulation about "quality of…

In all my years of watching this team, I've come to realize rooting for the Vikings is like being emotionally invested in George Costanza.

No silly, that's the defensive backfield. You've got the long, rangy, free safety who runs like a gazelle, the red-headed firebrand who hits like a truck at strong safety and the two glamour blondes playing corner. They can cover but never expect them to make a tackle within the seven-yard box.

On behalf of the entire state of Wisconsin, I would like to apologize to Vikings fans everywhere for 2 things:

You know it has been a long bout of misery when losing 4 Super Bowls and getting dicked over on the most famous NFL Hail Mary ever, don't even get mentioned.

Purple Jesus is the only reason why they don't go 0-16 every year (AP)

Partying all night and driving drunk isn't a mistake. Putting on a navy blue sock thinking that it was black is a mistake. Your friend is in better shape than that woman he killed.

Drunk drivers are the scum of the earth. Driving drunk isn't a fucking "mistake."

Drunk driving isn't a "mistake," though. It's a fucking willfully viscous crime and there's no excuse or sympathy to be had for it.

I don't think the kid should have been killed, I'm not one for harsh prison sentences, but I wouldn't shed a tear if a drunk driver who killed someone got a life sentence.

A mistake is when you put the car in reverse instead of first gear. Getting into a car drunk is a horse of another color. I say this a someone whose brother killed himself drunk driving.

Your friend ruined his own life, and took another's. I'm not for vigilante justice and I'm glad the dead woman's husband didn't decide to gun down the drunk driver who "made a mistake" and killed his wife, but if you're looking for sympathy for a guy who got drunk and killed someone because he had to go to jail and…

I'm really bothered by this: "and has had their life ruined" line in your comment. He didn't have his life ruined, dude. He ruined his own life. It didn't happen to him, he did it. That type of passive language implies that someone else did him wrong by throwing him in prison for a really idiotic decision he made that…

"The friend of mine did some time and has had their life ruined" * Correction * Ruined their own life.

only pussies and christians say two wrongs don't make a right.

If someone killing your kids is the first wrong, then killing them sure as shit does make it a little more right if you ask me.

Mark Sanchez feels this way about women.

Jose Banda got what he deserved.

Yea, and you'll have to cry yourself to sleep in fetal position if that air suspension ever breaks - $$$...

till you go 4 wheeling and you hear psshhhsh and your transfer case is on the ground