What, you never heard of Lot offering up his daughters to be raped by a mob? Genesis 19:

To be honest, that sounds like most fundie groups to me. These guys are just (poorly) sporting the ZZ Top look.

On the one hand I really want to see the guy’s search history. On the other hand I’m REALLY sure I don’t.

I look forward to the Trump presidency. Finally we’ll get those crazy broads to recognize that their vaginas are the property of their closest male relative. On a related note, I’ve got a sister to sell and a meth habit to support. Any takers?

This deserbes more love. Finally someone takes a stand against Big Gravity!

This is key. Would a man with female relatives ignore and/or cover up the abuse of complete strangers who are also female? Especially if it helps him keep his job? We should be ashamed of ourselves!

It’s called ‘Compassionate Conservatism,’ thank you very much. Any familiarity with the Bible at all shows the Jesus fucking hated the poor and these good folks are just trying to follow his teachings.

Speaking of food, how about hunger in America. We throw away huge amounts of food yet we have millions going hungry. It’s probably for the best though. Keeping folks hungry encourages them to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Starvation is character building too!

Unfortunately it will never pass because people would immediately cry communism. Also, it would threaten the sort of minimum-wage industries that rely on grinding up and spitting out poor kids with no job skills.

You don’t want your kid busted for rape, do you? I’m sure Winston has plenty of lessons to impart there.

+billions in bailout funds

Since Iceland is so small, you know everyone else on the island, right? Could you get the dude that plays The Mountain to follow through on his threat to Ronaldo anyways? Smarmy fucker deserves to have his head squished. And, if you film it from a few different angles, Game of Thrones can reuse the footage and spend…

While I hate what it takes to get there, I love pissed off Obama.

This. If decades of covering up child rape that started almost immediately after Sandusky’s hiring doesn’t merit any real sanctions nothing will.

My favorite is Jesus’s eye of a needle line. One would think the meaning is pretty clear but the hoops they jump through to avoid the obvious conclusion would be hilarious if it weren’t so damaging.

It figures. Old Testament God is an asshole. I like dead baby jokes and I’m occasionally game for dashing children against the rocks (Psalms 137:9), but He takes it way too seriously.

Don’t be silly. Don’t you realize that you can’t rape your wife? One of Trumps aids taught us that.

I think you’re too optimistic about the American people and their intelligence. There’s a seemingly obvious dumb saying that I read once, “Half of all people are below average intelligence.”Considering what passes for average (and I include myself here) it’s pretty scary when you think about it

Though Trump has defied all convention so far, I still can’t see him making it through the next five months without some sort of mental breakdown.

I totally forgot that one! But any song that mentions America is awesome, especially in the title. Who needs the rest of the lyrics?