Buying a mid-80s Porsche is some Risky Business.

People hate the Bugatti Chiron for the same reason they hate Superman; they only highlight our own shortcomings and weaknesses. “Oh, you’re bulletproof and can reverse the rotation of the Earth? Well, I can’t, Mr. Fancytights. Do me a favor, go eat a kryptonite sandwich and poop sadness.”

Salesman: “It’s the car of the future, today!”
Customer: “So it’s the car of today.”
Salesman: “...”

If Fiat wanted Alfa to succeed in the US, they should have made an Alfa version of the 500 with the GME turbo engine in it and Alfa badges on it. Then again, maybe not.

That sucks.

So a 27-year old car has 20k miles on it, so average 740 miles a year, or 2.02 miles a day. Grandma must have just driven it to the bingo parlor down the street. Possible!

Hot Wheels have come a long way as far as detail, but I still remember Tomy’s Pocket Cars having some great designs.

I didn’t miss it. My accountant was on hiatus, teaching sherpas how to purify urine using solar osmosis, and he couldn’t convert my Reddit Coins to cash in time. I’ll just wait until it comes up on Barrett-Jackson and do a call-in bid like a big, rich doosh bag.

Pro-tip: lens flares make anything gold.

People in the Northwest call VW Golfs “pop-tops,” because when bears bang on the roofs the doors fly open.

I pay for my gas with debit cards stolen from blind orphans. That way, the hackers get a heap ton of bad karma.

My friend went to Carmax to buy “a car.” The salesperson asked him what kind he wanted. He responded, “I don’t care, just something affordable that you have a lot of.” They walked over to a section of the lot that was nothing but newish Kia Optimas, all white, all within $500 of each other. “Pick one,” the salesperson…

They skipped the last category, Best Used Car for People Who Hate Cars: Kia Optima.

This is silly. It’s 120 miles from Los Angeles to San Diego one way. The average commute is 1/10th that. You can charge your Taycan Sunday to Sunday and still have enough juice to take a weekend trip.

Looks like...

Looking forward to the release of Tesla’s cargo van.

When Honda’s 2016 Civic came out and people were bemused at best by it’s lackluster looks, it’s poo-poo performance and eye-irritating interior, Honda IMMEDIATELY hit the drawing boards (or CAD tablets) and came up with something better. That’s how a car company should react in that situation.

Thanks, Nissan!

I don’t know why, but the Jeep’s “death rattle” reminds me of James Brown:

Anytime an article headline ends in “...AND IT’S JUST PERFECT” I get this sick sort of punch, right in the gut. I don’t know what it is...