You can't honestly believe that every single song in an entire genre (Christian rock) is shitty. I could post examples from every decade that prove you wrong, from the 70's (Larry Norman, Petra) to the 90's (DC Talk, Project 86), to now (Showbread, Mewithoutyou).

A coffin.

Do you? It's an unfunny joke, not a metaphor.

"While we’re all arguing with one another about proper kindling placement
and whether using lighter fluid is cheating, women can just quietly
start getting stuff done."

That's easy for you to say; you were once a baby.

"but also want to force women to carry pregnancies to term"