Wait!? I thought Jane Aubrey had an affair with John Travolta?

“I’m not going to tell you which villains I’m going to play with! (Laughs) But they’re super cool. They’re very larger than life, but they’re unique.”

Yet not nearly as frightening as a Donald Trump rally.

I really wish this stuff was invented while I still dropped acid. God, yesterday sucked.

You mean you didn’t find Juliette Litman’s NBA After Dark podcast from Grantland absolutely adorable? I mean, it was a full hour of her saying how cute Meyers Leonard is. 3 times a week!! With insights like that I don’t know why ESPN didn’t throw a ton of cash her way to retain her services.

Don’t ever bring that up to Jake Taylor. He’ll tell you to suck his dick and then bang some hot ex-Olympic swimmer.

Yeah, but Sinski was a shitty hitter with a weak arm throughout his career. Had Chapel not tabbed him as his personal catcher in 88' then you could be sure that Sinski would have been a career minor leaguer. Jesus Christ, remember when Frank Perry looked like a genius for letting his pitchers hit and used the DH to…

This is way more insightful than anything Simmons has written about pop culture since 1997...incidentally also the same year Conspiracy Theory came out.

I love Lincecum, but unless he has an absolutely great 3rd act in his career from today until he retires I’d say absolutely not. Great 4 year run followed by a below average 4 year run. Some pitchers can come back and turn their career around but not many can when they have lost 8-10 mph on their fastballs.

He’s no Gus Sinski, that’s for sure.

For some reason I wish you didn’t say that because now picturing Bill Simmons alone in a dressing room while he stares at his junk in the mirror while he says “I’m a star, I’m a star, I’m a big fat shooting star...”

Yep, that’s the reason in a nutshell. He’s the tent pole celebrity that HBO is going to revolve their entire sports division around for the next couple of years.

“I started to feel like I was Mel Gibson in Conspiracy Theory,”

“British long jumper Greg Ruthorford has decided that he’ll go, alright, but not before he freezes a sample of his sperm.”

Wait, your real name is Zukka? That’s fucking sweet.

I’m not sure if the best coaching could help him substantially on the defensive end. It’s not really that Irving is disinterested on or shows a lack of effort on the defensive end. It really comes down to the fact that he’s got slow feet which leaves him at least a half step behind people before he’s fully able to set…

Blake has T-Rex arms. Serge Ibaka and Hasaan Whiteside are leapers who have huge wingspans. It’s a nice combo to have for a shotblocker.

Was this from the director’s cut of Django Unchained?

Well, he’s definitely more of a scorer, but the offense definitely ran through him until LeBron resigned with the Cavs unless I missed something and Dion Waiters ran the point in Cleveland. He’s not a conventional point guard for sure but neither is Westbrook for that matter.

I....I....ìve never been so trumped on a message board like this....ever.