Peter Cetera makes me want to drink bleach.

Edited from the final copy:

8 year olds dude..

It’s like the old adage: Everyone hates the U.S. Bowling Congress but votes to reëlect their own U.S. Bowling Congressman.

I still think it should be a new Olympic sport - no lie - would watch the shit out of that.

Definitely Broom Girl, unassisted, at 0:11.

At first I thought the girl up top with the mop deserved an assist, but watching it again I don’t think anybody at the top of the stairs even touched that rat. He runs/falls down the steps on his own, and then he meets the slapshot of 2017 as a reward for his troubles.

Not sure what shower girl did, but middle two did nothing but shriek. Downstairs, you the real MVP.

Why did the teenage girl rats cross the road?

True, but goddamn if I kept getting asked the same fucking question over and over for months by unoriginal, idiot sports reporters I’d be doing the same shit Westbrook is.

But Westbrook is being funnier about it so...he wins!

Reporter: “Russ, what’s fashion week been like?”

Having information on Trump and giving it to Gizmodo instead of the New York Times and the Washington Post is like having an orphan and giving it to Jerry Sandusky instead of Daddy Warbucks

Let’s check in with the Sandusky famil- and oh my god never mind.

Klages was supposed to be like family to these girls. She always said her feelings for them were Paterno.

What are you talking about? Notre Dame is an upstanding institution that avoids the winds of controversy that leave other places high and dry.

Not pictured: The one hand in her pocket.

Beuerlein is a Notre Damer, so he’s probably guilty of something.