I feel you! I’m Black, but I grew up Mormon and then became a Unitarian. Church suit extravaganzas were never a thing I got to have, and I want it to be so badly!

I expect nothing less! And that sounds amazing—last time around, I was in college and it was finals week. I watched it later on YouTube to recover from a particularly disastrous Arabic exam. This time, I aim for Bloody Marys, eggs Benedict, and a hat so audacious it would make a church deacon jealous.

The hat Olympics will be glorious. British hats are fun, but Black church lady hats are Next Level! And the coordinated suits! The bags! The heels! The sheer sense of SPECTACLE! No duchess can really beat a Baptist First Lady on the final night of the church revival.

I was also in college. I watched it later on the royal family YouTube channel to recover from a particularly shitty Arabic final.

I’m going into the diplomatic service, where hasty marriages are also the norm: when your tour is up, the only way to stay with someone is to get married and put them on your travel orders (so they get diplomatic immunity as your spouse, security stuff, etc. etc.) One of my best friends was dating a guy (also at…

Which would make it pretty perfect, actually. Seat the president we wish were imaginary next to the actual imaginary president, just to see if it rubs off.

He looks fucking haunted in that photo. “Michelle, come back! I miss you!”

I don’t know if one can say this about a tiara, but it looks quite modern—it would really be lovely on her!

We’ll have a brunch! And decide on our hats for the viewing party.

Seconded. I got a full-body massage and mentioned to my therapist (female, about my mom’s age) that I carried tension in my lower back, and she was very clear up front that this would involve some glute work. She was super clear, professional, and respectful. It’s not hard to be a decent professional about this!

Yay for not being pregnant! And yes, I fully believe that the Portuguese for Pap smear is a false cognate for Santa. I sincerely hope some Lusophone gynecologist’s office uses it for a festive holiday pun to get people to take care of their reproductive health.

SOOOO terrible! When I was living overseas, I had to get a new prescription for birth control because my US generic wasn’t available in the EU. I go for a new gyno appointment with this 70-year-old man, because he speaks English and takes my national insurance. What I didn’t realize was that at his office, this…

Oh, Jeez! Yeah, I was lucky I didn’t get burned, but I did spend a good 15 minutes crying and telling my sister/her friend that they weren’t my real friends, because real friends wouldn’t have let me get hurt (I was five, and they didn’t let me steer the sled even though I was sitting in the very front).

Oh my god yes! I didn’t realize he was flirting with me until he kissed me, at which point my brain was like “YOUR FACE IS ON MY FACE WHY IS YOUR FACE ON MY FACE?!?!?” but after a little bit it was actually kind of fun! It was just the first 30 seconds where I was trying to just process what was even happening and…

Really? That’s awesome! I haven’t ever cut my hair in a big way, so I have major respect for anyone who does.

Hey, are you me from six years ago? Because this was me. I didn’t kiss someone for the first time until I was 22 (it was at a Halloween party, he was drunk, I was not). I promise, you are not weird—it happens to all sorts of people for all sorts of reasons. And if you want to kiss someone, do it! (with consent, obvs)…

You’re not a wimp—there’s just a part of you, even if it’s a small part, that wants to keep living. I’ve been there, and I promise it can get better.

That sounds like an excellent decision. When it came to making a hard decision and feeling relieved, I’d say the time I cut my father’s wife out of my life—she was an abusive bitch, and even though I was so stressed out about having the conversation with my father about how I was not going to visit him again, I felt…

I love this! My accomplishment for this week was going to the gym the day after Thanksgiving with my mom. I definitely ate more than I meant to on the day (I didn’t know there would be pecan pie!) but I feel like I generally didn’t let myself go hog wild. It felt good to know that I maintained my good habits.

Oh, dear! I don’t know about ridiculous injuries, but once when I was a kid I crashed into the heating unit behind my house while sledding.