I had a house that was haunted by a cat. This ghost’s got nothing on a ghost cat.

I think it must be very hard to constantly have to explain why you are funnier than X person.

I don’t know if they’re real. I don’t know if you can actually buy them. I created my scorecards based on ones for whisky.

How about a blog? I am not a fan of the camera. But honestly, that would be my dream job to just eat food and talk about food.

It’s like they watched a Katherine Hepburn movie and decided that that speech pattern would be how a rich person talked. Once again, the Trumps have to turn to emulation to show their appearance of money.

There’s a truck in my neighborhood that has a “Trump’s Deplorables” window sticker. One of these days it’s going to get egged.

I tried to get some coworkers to start a game of ‘the floor is lava’ at a super boring retreat and they looked at me like I was asking if they wanted to get naked and do crack.

That is very true!!

That is a club I would actually want to join!

As someone who keeps pizza scorecards in her purse, I’m okay with Lorde keeping track and rating her onion rings.

Can the ticket sales go to charities that help refugees and climate change?

You’re too educated!! Remember, the republicans don’t like education that isn’t focused on Jesus.

Let’s do it. It will be a tour called Marianne’s Preserver Knows Nothing Really About Art, But Watches A Lot of TV: Art in Pop Culture!

Melbourne Ambrosia!!

I am so excited for that movie. It’s not my favorite Daphne Du Maurier book, but she’s going to make an excellent Rachel.

I use half a packet of onion soup mix for hamburgers.

Swiss cheese is not boring. You want a boring cheese, get yourself some provolone or colby jack.

Yetta. I think you know what you’ve done. Think about Harry.

I love marzipan! First got introduced to it in fifth grade and I’ve loved it ever since. But it needs to be fresh, which can be hard to find. Those pre-packaged marzipans are too hard for me. It needs to be the consistancy of cookie dough.