I'm not your lover. I'm not your friend.

(in the voice of Crocodile Dundee) "Now THAT'S a shark!"

"Without back up dancers, there is no one to back you up."

Somebody's jealous...

Speaking of Diabeetus, that dog is kind of giving me Wilford Brimley vibes.

Cookie is everything.

The silvery, sultry, steely-eyed older version of Christopher Plummer ain't too shabby either.

And no one, I mean no one, can throw a bitch brow like my girl Viv.

HOTTTTTTTTTT!

Also, Cantaloupe with pepper on it. You won't regret it.

Nor would you have to deal with wedding guests putting their sweaty grimy-ass hands all over your gorgeous Ebola dress.

That gentle hand touch. Oh my....

Swoon!

Because Auntie Joan wouldn't be having any of that laying around getting high bullshit.

I've never watched it stoned, but what a grand idea! Penciling it on my "to-do" list right now.

Slob or erstwhile Jedi nemesis? You decide.

And no mention of the amazing Santa with his hipster beard.